


Silk & Satin

by RBCQ



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Drugs, F/F, Homophobia, Lebsian AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-07-14 15:28:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7177355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RBCQ/pseuds/RBCQ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about two girls that fall in love, in the most horrible of cliche ways: an artist and her model. you could call it love at first sight if you believe in that sort of thing, except she doesn’t, and the girl with the pen can’t stop staring long enough to draw when she’s around; sketchbooks fills up with drawings of her and her and her, dreams fill up with her and her and her but she’s too scared to believe she’s worth more than the body the artist draws.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To say Violet had startled her wasn't entirely wrong, but stunned was the more accurate choice. It wasn't so much that she was simply gorgeous - there were plenty of gorgeous girls in the world, many of which Pearl had met at bars - but she exuded a sort of beauty and grace that Pearl had never encountered before. The entire room felt different when she was in it, and Pearl didn't know if it was exhilarating, terrifying, or both.

 

Her name was Violet. She had called a week ago, asking after an ad looking for models, her voice soft and demure. For some reason, over all of the people that had called, Pearl was drawn to her. Something about her tone, perhaps the way her smile was almost audible in the way her words twisted into a little breath at the end, told a story, made Pearl want to know more. There was a certain elegance in the way words drifted from her lips that spoke of vintage fashion, of savory perfumes and rose-colored silk. It made Pearl want to capture it between the pages of her sketchbook, color it in pastel pinks and dark, rich reds. So, she asked her when she was available. The surprise was evident in the girl's voice, and Pearl could hear her smile as they agreed for her to come a week later. 

 

When she walked in, Pearl was hunched over a sketchbook. Fingers dark with charcoal, wisps of blonde hair falling out of her bun, and dark half-moons under her eyes, she looked the part of a tired artist, but the passion that shone in her eyes as she stared at the sketch in front of her spoke to the inner drive that kept her going, even when nobody else believed in her. Violet moved so quietly that Pearl didn't even hear her walk in; when she cleared her throat gently, Pearl jolted upright, dropping her sketchbook and very nearly flinging her charcoal across the room. Her mouth opened as if she were going to say something, but the second her eyes landed on Violet, she froze, face going pink.

 

She was exactly the vision of beauty that she sounded. Her hair, dark and perfectly curly, hung free, framing her face and tumbling down her shoulders, and Pearl couldn't help but look at her for a moment. The dress she was wearing, a rich ruby red, clung to her body, stopping just above her knees, and gold shone softly from her neck and wrists, the outfit complete with black kitten heels that Pearl had no idea how she kept so silent when she walked in. Pearl could've sworn she felt her heart leap into her chest when her eyes danced back up the girl's body to her face, drinking in the perfectly-smooth skin, ruby lips that Pearl _tried_ not to think of as kissable, all the way up to intelligent brown eyes, framed by immaculate makeup. 

 

Suddenly aware of the awkward silence that stretched between them, Pearl dropped her eyes, flushing. She ducked down, going to pick up her sketchbook and charcoal, and froze again mid-standing up.

 

"You're Pearl, right?"

 

Her voice was even more stunning in person, and it took Pearl half a second to snap herself out of it and straighten up, charcoal and sketchbook in hand.

 

"Yeah, that's me."

 

"It's nice to meet you."

 

She smiled, eyes crinkling just the littlest bit at the corners, and Pearl couldn't help but break into a grin as well. With the backs of her hands, she pushed loose hair away from her face, self-conscious of how messy she looked. Sweatpants and a grey hoodie weren't exactly flattering, and she was sure there was charcoal smudged on her face, not to mention the fact that she didn't have on a stitch of makeup. Normally, she wouldn't care; she didn't ask models to come over to her apartment for her to impress them, she asked them to come over so she would have someone to draw. But with Violet in front of her, she felt... inadequate. 

 

Pearl cleared her throat, glancing down at her sketchbook. Beat by beat, the silence stretched on in her studio. She had told Violet to be there at ten and let herself in, thinking nothing of it - that was how things went with the other people she drew, the other bodies that filled sketchbook after sketchbook. When she looked back up, Violet had dropped her gaze as well, looking down at her hands. She was fiddling with them, and Pearl realized she was probably just as nervous. For different reasons, probably - it was a bit awkward to pose naked for someone you'd never met before - but she was nervous all the same. 

 

"I, um, there's a room you can change in, if you'd like? And, uh, I have a robe."

 

Violet nodded, reaching up to toy with the end of a strand of hair. Pearl tried not to wince at how shaky her voice was, or at the fact that she was nearly stuttering with nerves.

 

"That'd be nice, yes."

 

Flipping her sketchbook closed, Pearl nodded and smiled, doing her best to keep her breathing and voice even.

 

"Give me a minute to wash my hands."

 

She lifted a blackened hand, wiggling her fingers a bit at the red-clad girl. Violet laughed softly, and Pearl grinned at her, then moved to set down her sketchbook and charcoal. She turned, walking out of the room and into the bathroom, turning on the sink and washing her hands quickly. As the water greyed and ran down the drain, Pearl let herself think for a moment. To say Violet had startled her wasn't entirely wrong, but _stunned_ was the more accurate choice. It wasn't so much that she was simply gorgeous - there were plenty of gorgeous girls in the world, many of which Pearl had met at bars - but she exuded a sort of beauty and grace that Pearl had never encountered before. The entire room felt different when she was in it, and Pearl didn't know if it was exhilarating, terrifying, or both. Ever-the-smoothest, the only time Pearl _wasn't_ nervous around cute girls was when she was drunk or high - today was sure to be interesting.

 

Sighing softly, the blonde cupped her hands underneath the water and leaned down to wash her face. The water was refreshingly cool against her skin, and when she straightened back up, Pearl took a deep breath, reaching for a towel. She dried her face and hands quickly, then yanked the hairtie out of her bun, shaking her hair free. Pearl paused for a moment, looking in the mirror in front of her. She looked a right mess, hair going every which way, face bare and dark circles under her eyes. _It doesn't matter_ , she told herself, _Violet's only here to model_. The girl sighed softly and put her hair back up into a (slightly neater) bun, then walked back into the studio.

 

When Pearl walked back in, as quiet as she was, Violet nearly whirled around, her face coloring. She had been flipping through the sketchbook laying on Pearl's desk, the book now laying open to the drawing Pearl had been working on when she arrived. Pearl was sure her face was the same shade as Violet's, and she couldn't pull her eyes away from the open sketchbook. 

 

"Sorry," Violet almost whispered, and Pearl looked up at her. "I shouldn't have opened it, I'm sorry."

 

Her eyes were downcast, almost scared. 

 

"No, it- it's fine, I don't mind. You're welcome to look at anything you'd like, if it'd make you more comfortable."

 

Pearl felt strangely naked. Here was this girl, this stunning, enchanting girl that Pearl was oh so envious of and yet enamored with, standing in front of her, looking at the art she created.

 

"Oh."

 

She looked up at Pearl and smiled, soft and warm, and her gaze dropped back to the open sketchbook.

 

"Thank you."

 

Pearl stepped closer, reaching out to touch the page gently.

 

"I can show you some of my paintings, if you'd like."

 

"I'd love that."

 

She looked up from her sketchbook to find Violet looking at her with an undecipherable expression. It was part curiosity, part a sort of peaceful happiness, part nervousness, and part something else that Pearl couldn't read. The other girl's lips parted with a soft exhalation, and Pearl looked away quickly, stepping around Violet to avoid her seeing how red her face got. She walked across the room, evenly and artificially lit, towards the door that lead to the rest of her apartment. As her hand touched the doorknob, Pearl thought about how many hours she spent in that studio, unable to tell if it was night or day because she had long-ago blacked out the only window with several layers of garbage bags. It was almost a communal space, with how many people had come in and out throughout the two years Pearl had been living there, but the apartment beyond had been something intimate and personal to her.

 

It was where she brought finished paintings to dry, hung them up across every open bit of wallspace, and where her most cherished pieces of art had stayed, ones that were too close to her heart to sell. It was one thing to show her models the sketches she had made of them, scrawled sloppily in sketchbooks, filling page after page, but another entirely to show someone the paintings that hung across her walls. Sure, she brought people home from the bar, but the girls that followed her stumbling, drunken footsteps to her bed didn't care to spend time looking at the paintings. Pearl pushed the thoughts of those dark, heated nights from her mind and turned the knob, stepping from the studio into her apartment beyond. Violet followed, her heels making minute clicking sounds against the floor. 

 

The girl's soft intake of breath was almost too quiet for Pearl to catch, and when she stepped to the side, Violet stepped forward, face a picture of awe. It wasn't a particularly large space, nor was it the Sistine Chapel, but the art that hung on every available space made it a hodgepodge of color and shapes. The warm morning light shone into the room, and it was disgustingly cliche, how it lit up Violet's face and illuminated her smile.

 

"You're so talented."

 

Her voice was gentle, wondrous, and Pearl's cheeks went pink again.

 

"Thank you."

 

Violet looked at her then, that queer mix of emotions that Pearl couldn't read. It made her nervous, not being able to tell what she was thinking - after spending so much time studying bodies, she was usually good at picking up what people were feeling or thinking. This girl, this strange, beautiful, otherworldly girl, confused her, made her uncomfortable with the fact that Pearl had no idea what was going through her mind. She had shown Violet her most private place, where she lived and slept and hung her heart of hearts on the walls to dry, and she couldn't read her, and all it did was draw Pearl in even more. This place, where the only other girls to have seen it came for reasons that only happen past midnight when you're drunk or high or both, almost felt sacred to the young artist, but for some reason, seeing Violet there, looking at her, felt _right_.

 

"That sketch in there... violets?"

 

Pearl blinked, startled out of her thoughts by her voice.

 

"Oh, I- yeah, they are."

 

She was suddenly readable again, her smile soft and eyes knowing, glittering as if to say, _I know what you're thinking, and I know it's about me_.

 

"Coincidence?"

 

Pearl heard the challenge in her voice, the flirtatious edge, and rose up to meet it.

 

"You could call it that."

 

There was an unspoken tension between them for a moment, before Violet turned back to the room, her eyes landing on the wall full of portraits. Bodies of every shape, size, and color posed in careful brushstrokes, some dainty and demure, others proud, with nothing to hide. 

 

"You're good at capturing emotion."

 

The edge had dropped from her voice, and Pearl couldn't tell if she was relieved or disappointed. 

 

"I try."

 

Her response seemed almost idiotic, and she tried not to wince, instead hoping Violet didn't mind. Evidently, she didn't, when she looked back at the blonde with the same wondrous expression as before.

 

"Should I get changed now?"

 

"Yeah. Uh, this way."

 

She turned and walked back into her studio, Violet following. Pearl crossed the room, motioning to the bathroom where she had washed her hands of charcoal earlier. 

 

"There's a robe in there."

 

Violet nodded and walked past her, shutting the door to the bathroom with a quiet _click_. Pearl sighed, walking back towards the door to her apartment. She pulled her hair out of her bun, shaking it loose and running her hands through it, moving over to her own bathroom. She picked up a brush, pausing to look at herself in the mirror.

 

_What am I doing? She's just a model, some girl looking for money that thinks she's cute enough to sit here naked._

 

Pearl shook her head, putting down the brush and tying her hair back up. Chewing on her lower lip, the girl walked back to her studio, clearing off her desk and going to the cabinet by the door. She opened it, pulling out a new sketchbook and a set of pens, walking them back to her desk. It was how she did all of her model sketches, in pen, so she wouldn't let herself fixate on the tiny details and erase them over and over. She tended to do that - get stuck on one little thing for hours at a time, adjusting and readjusting to make it absolutely perfect. It was her personality, Pearl supposed. Not obsessive, but someone that got stuck on things easily. 

 

She was the type of person that fell in love with the first girl to smile at her over a drink. Over the two years she had been living in her apartment in grand New York City, Pearl had brought home countless girls to her art-filled apartment, spent night after night with them in her bed - and her in theirs. But, the morning-after texts and notes never lasted, and Pearl was alright with that - so long as there was someone else to fill the void the last one left behind. Her nights were full of meaningless sex and one-night-stands, bars and drinks and smoking, getting drunk and high to forget about her days, days that were full of art, drawing and painting, but she didn't mind those as much. It was the weekends of gallery shows and talking meaninglessly with fancily-dressed people with money, looking for something new to decorate their already-lavish suites and homes that bothered her, and not the shows themselves. It had always been the people. People without a passion other than money, that worked early to late hours and came home to a dull family with the same plastic smiles, people that didn't care for artists like her, with dirt under their nails and bags under their eyes. People like her parents, all-too-willing to send their daughter to a far-away city with a fat check in the mail every week, enough to cover all her bills and leave over enough to spend at the bar every night. 

 

People that would do _anything_ to keep their precious little girl from ruining the family name. Her extended family thought she was away at some prestigious bullshit job in the city, spending her days commuting to some prissy, too-clean, glass-sided office building. Pearl didn't care to know what they thought she did for a living. It didn't matter, since she never saw them anyway. She was "too busy" working on her next big project, working late and getting up early, dedicating her entire life to her boring little office cubicle. They were the people she hated, the people she stood around with and looked pathetic next to every Saturday and Sunday, people that didn't give a _fuck_ about what she did or why she did it. People that gave her money to shut up and give them the painting, the art that they decorated their empty homes with because they didn't care to fill them with anything else.

 

People that filled their lives with the beauty of things other people created, because they had no care for the beauty themselves. It was all for everyone else, all for appearance. People like her fucking _parents_ , that would willingly disown their own child and pay them to shut up lest they tell their precious little circle of rich friends that she was _gay_. 

 

"Pearl?"

 

Soft fingers touched her shoulder, and her head snapped up, dislodging her thoughts. She hadn't realized how long she had been sitting at her desk, hands curled into fists in her lap, staring down at a closed sketchbook. Violet was standing in front of her, black silk falling off of one shoulder. Pearl's breath left her chest, and she stumbled up, clearing her throat and trying not to stare.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

Violet was looking at her with that unreadable face again, her hand still featherlight on Pearl's shoulder. Her touch was electric, in the most horrid and cliche way. It made Pearl's skin tingle, and she had a hard time pulling her eyes up from the neckline of the robe, perfect black silk that contrasted her paleness beautifully, matched her hair immaculately, and framed sharp collarbones. 

 

"I'm fine."

 

Her answer, when she finally did speak, was much harsher than she intended, and the blonde hurriedly covered it with a softer, more gentle explanation.

 

"Just thinking."

 

Violet took a half-step closer, around the side of the desk, and the way her voice softened made Pearl's heart hurt.

 

"About?"

 

Pearl's teeth dug into her lower lip. It was a loaded question, one she certainly wasn't about to answer for this girl that she had met less than twenty minutes ago, no matter how head-over-heels Pearl thought she was. All it would take was a few drinks, a bowl, and some other pretty girl in her bed for the artist to forget Violet.

 

"Doesn't matter."

 

The two of them looked at each other for a moment, Violet's expression confused and concerned, Pearl's dark and closed-off. They stood like that, the beauty and the artist, opposed yet together. An eternity passed between the two of them before Violet dropped her eyes, and Pearl's shifted to the side as well, back to the pens and sketchbook on her desk. Pearl stepped to the side, turning to her cabinet, still open. She walked over, shutting the doors and hesitating before turning again to face Violet. The dark-haired girl was standing there silently, looking at the floor. Her face was once again unreadable, though she looked slightly more upset than before.

 

"Of course it matters."

 

When her reply came, it was soft and confused, with a decent amount of apprehension. Pearl's heart skipped a beat, and she couldn't for the life of her tell whether she wanted to kiss Violet right then and there or kick her out of her studio for good. 

 

"Not really, no."

 

This girl, this strange, ethereal girl, had walked into her studio not a half-hour ago, and Pearl was on the verge of breaking down into tears in front of her. It was so unlike her, so foreign and terrifying, and she wanted nothing to do with it. Everything felt stronger, _she_ was feeling stronger, and Pearl hated it. She absolutely despised the way emotions were rising into her throat because of Violet, she hated the way she felt like she was drowning in them all of a sudden. Pearl was never like this; she was normally so stoic and calm, monotone. She was graceful and quiet, absorbed in her art, polite to the people that sat for her. She was carefree, not emotional and broken like this. Her parents used to not matter to her, the people in dresses and suits in the gallery used to not matter five minutes after she walked out of the building with their money to her name. 

 

"It's okay."

 

Violet's voice had taken on a strange, comforting quality, and Pearl looked back up at her. 

 

"I understand, you don't have to talk about it."

 

Pearl was glad to let the topic go. She nodded, reaching down to touch the sketchbook's cover. The blonde cleared her throat, pushing a few loose strands of hair behind an ear. 

 

"We can, um, get started, if you want."

 

"Yeah."

 

For a moment, the two of them were silent, looking at each other. Violet, as unreadable as ever, and Pearl, trying not to stare at her. She couldn't figure out what it was that made her fall so hard, drew her in and drew her under. The moment was broken when Violet half-turned, looking at the only part of the room not lined with a paint-splattered tarp. 

 

"Do you want me to just pose, or do you want something specific?"

 

Pearl shook her head, sitting down on her stool. She picked up her sketchbook and a pen, carefully writing 'Violet' across the cover in bold letters. 

 

"Nothing specific, whatever makes you comfortable."

 

The brunette nodded, stepping to the center of the bare area, brushing her hair behind an ear. Pearl flipped open her sketchbook and uncapped the pen, sticking the cap on the end of it. She busied herself dating the sketch in the corner of the page, and when she looked up, Violet had dropped the robe. 

 

Her body was absolutely breathtaking. She was perfectly proportioned, and the way she held herself was absolutely exquisite. It was obvious she knew her body well in the way she posed, limbs dynamic, like you had frozen her mid-step. With Violet's eyes cast to the side, Pearl let herself drink the girl in for a moment. She had several tattoos, the ink complimenting her pale skin, otherwise unblemished. The build of muscles in her thighs and abs made it clear she was strong, but they didn't detract from the softness of her beauty. Everything was smooth and rounded, and Violet held herself almost proudly, chest out and chin up. 

 

Uncomfortably aware of the fact that she had been staring for far longer than what was socially acceptable, Pearl ducked her head and began drawing. Quick, soft lines began to shape out the girl's frame, and before long Pearl was glancing up and down, between her sketch and Violet. She didn't waste time looking it over when Pearl was done; instead, she cleared her throat and Violet's eyes flicked to her. There was absolutely no shame in her, and Pearl envied it. 

 

"You can move."

 

Violet smiled, stretching briefly before arranging herself into another impossibly gorgeous, elegant pose. Once again, her eyes were turned away from Pearl, but not in a shy way. There was an air of almost pretentiousness, but that wasn't the right word - no, it was a type of narcissism, something that Pearl couldn't put her finger on, but it screamed allure and under-the-lashes bedroom eyes at the same time as it screamed being too good for such debauchery. Drunk on the way Violet held herself up like this for her, Pearl's sketch was shaky, rough, nothing like the smooth, confident lines she normally drew. It was frustrating, how she couldn't seem to really pull her eyes away long enough to focus on the ink on the page, but at the same time, Pearl was perfectly okay with it. 

 

Pages passed, entire pages dedicated to one depiction of the girl's grace came and went. Violet moved from pose to pose with an effortless grace, ending up laying on the floor, eyes closed and back arched higher than Pearl swore was humanly possible, one leg extended and held parallel to the ground, the other bent at the knee, but neither foot touching the ground. How she stayed like that for the handful of minutes it took Pearl to draw her, the blonde had no idea, but when she finally murmured for the girl to move, she almost _rolled_ upwards with how smooth the motion was. 

 

"Is that enough? I can keep going."

 

Pearl glanced down at her sketchbook, now almost halfway through.

 

"I think that's enough for now."

 

Violet nodded, collecting the robe and wrapping it around herself. The silk once again covered her body, and Pearl swallowed hard against something rising in her throat, something akin to disappointment. Something that part of her wanted to let become an offer to Violet, a second invitation into the personal part of her home, the personal part of her body, but something unknown held her back. Dignity, maybe, or perhaps nerves. Pearl didn't know, and she tried not to care. Without another word, the brunette almost glided back into the bathroom, and Pearl flipped back through her sketches. They were pretty, and each one gave off the same aura Violet had been emanating as she was posing, but none of them captured _her_. Sighing softly, she flipped the sketchbook closed, replacing the cap on the pen. Pearl had a feeling that only a painting could possibly come close to capturing Violet, but that was another issue for another day. 

 

She stood, bringing her sketchbook and pens back to her cabinet. Humming softly to herself, Pearl put them away and made sure everything was at least semi-orderly before shutting the doors. It took Violet significantly less time to change this time - or perhaps Pearl noticed her faster - but when she walked back into the studio in her dress and heels, jewelry once again glimmering from her wrists and neck, Pearl had barely sat down at her desk again. Immediately, she stood up, feeling almost obligated to stand in her presence, like she was royalty. 

 

"Was I alright?"

 

The apprehension and almost apologetic quality to her voice was confusing - with as much confidence as she had earlier, why was she nervous that she might not've done well?

 

"Incredible."

 

Pearl's voice was the tiniest bit breathless, and Violet missed nothing. Her face transformed into something much darker, smoldering, and Pearl flushed bright red. 

 

"You're- strong. You pose well. Are you a dancer?"

 

The artist was trying to backtrack as hard as she could; pretend there was no _want_ behind her voice. But, her words only made Violet's ruby smile bigger, and before she could say anything, Violet produced a card out of nowhere, handing it to Pearl. Then, before Pearl could even look at the card, she leaned forward and brushed her lips against Pearl's cheek, murmuring in a tone that set her entire body on fire.

 

"Come find out."

 

With that, she was gone, with a swirling skirt and a small wave. Even after the door shut behind her, Pearl stood absolutely frozen, her cheek tingling where Violet's lips had touched her skin. When she could breathe again, the artist looked down at the card. It read, in perfect black letters on a cream background, Violet's name and the name and address of a gay club across town - and the words 'burlesque dancer'.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her voice shook and broke, shattered like the glass of the picture frame that she threw against the wall so long ago when her parents told her they saw her kiss that girl goodbye for what she never wanted to be the last time. Her heart had broken then too, and Pearl had left it behind like the shards of that glass, to be swept up and thrown away by the maid, tossed to the garbage like all the other things she left behind, like her friends and her home and the girl that she loved with all her broken, desolate heart.

"I can't go. Absolutely not. No."

 

Pearl shook her head, leaning back in her seat. She set down the steaming cup in her hands and looked at the silver-haired girl opposite her.

 

"She obviously _wants_ you to, so why not?"

 

Max's voice was soft, and she looked at Pearl with a puzzled expression. The blonde sighed softly, leaning forward and picking her cup back up. She too a long sip of coffee, closing her eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at Max.

 

"I just can't."

 

"Oh, come on."

 

"No."

 

"Please?"

 

"Just because you've been asking me for an hour doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly change my mind, Max."

 

She huffed out a breath, rolling her eyes at Pearl.

 

"I just don't get why you won't go! It's a perfect opportunity!"

 

"For what, getting a girl? I can do that just fine in _my_ bar, where I'm not terrified to say something wrong."

 

"Just drink something while you're there, you'll be fine."

 

Pearl sighed, taking another sip of her coffee.

 

"What, and make a drunken fool out of myself?"

 

Max narrowed her eyes, leaning to the side with her fist against her cheek. She went silent, and Pearl busied herself with her coffee, thinking. The two of them had met over a year ago, now, at a gallery show. Max's starkly contrasting black-and-white portraits drew a lot of attention from Pearl's normal crowd, and at first the young artist was annoyed with this intruder. But, as time went on and shows came and went, the two of them began to strike up conversation in quiet moments. It was just smalltalk at first, complimenting each other's art as they cleaned up when the people had left, but it quickly transformed into the two of them stealing every free moment to exchange chatter. Both of them were normally quiet, reserved people, but something in them clicked and they became good friends. On occasion, one took the other out for coffee or lunch, and they spent a few hours talking. Max was almost the opposite of Pearl - where the blonde was more laid-back and spent her nights at a bar or in bed with someone, Max was elegantly proper and always poised, and strictly against anything illicit. Where Pearl was pastels, dried roses, and flutes of champagne, Max was black lipstick, cigarette smoke, and the type of glitching static you get from an old, broken TV. Where Pearl was the too-loud bass at clubs and stolen kisses in the backs of cabs, Max was the dark side of old Hollywood and singing a lament to the moon at four in the morning on a desolate rooftop where nobody could hear you.

 

For being nearly opposites, the oddly matched pair got along 'absolutely spectacularly', as Max would say in her British accent that Pearl could never quite tell if it was fake or not. They did make an odd couple in public, Pearl supposed, what with her in paint-splattered skinny jeans and one of many plain sweaters and Max in her almost gothic, ever-fashionable, well-put-together outfits. Something in the way both of them revered art and could sit comfortably in silence for hours with nothing but a paintbrush and their minds' eyes drew them together as well - there was a sort of solidarity in that passion for creation and the peace that went with the process. The past was unspoken, something neither of them talked about nor cared about, and that was perhaps a part of the reason why they got along so well; no questions asked, none necessary. They didn't really _know_ each other, at least not the dark secrets that true best friends shared in the early hours of the morning, but Pearl knew Max's Starbucks order by heart and all her favorites from books to movies to colors, and Max knew Pearl's taste in alcohol and girls like the back of her hand and which brand of pens she preferred.

 

"Pearl?"

 

"Huh?"

 

Slightly startled from her thoughts, she looked up to find Max looking at her with a strange expression.

 

"Are you scared of loving her?"

 

The question hit Pearl and knocked the breath from her chest. For a split second, 'her' didn't mean Violet, it meant a different girl a thousand miles away, whose smile she kissed goodbye two years ago. For a split second, Max's face turned into hers, and Pearl's hands curled into fists. She looked away, blinking back tears, hiding her fists in her lap. It was only a half a second long, the rise of pain and loss in the young artist's chest, but it felt like an eterntity that she spent in that tiny cafe, drowning in emotions she had locked away long ago.

 

"Pearl?"

 

She shook herself out of it, picking up her cup and swallowing her emotions down with her coffee.

 

"I'm not _scared_ of anything."

 

Her voice cracked, and Pearl looked down, chewing on her lip.

 

"You know you can talk to me."

 

Max was looking at her, concerned, her coffee forgotten to the side. She tucked a strand of silver hair behind her ear and leaned forward, elbows on the table.

 

"I'm not going to judge you for anything."

 

Her voice had softened, and Pearl read it as pity. Anger flared in her chest, and she took another long sip of coffee to avoid exploding at the soft-spoken girl across the table.

 

"There's nothing _to_ talk about, I'm _fine_."

 

The words were sharp as needles, flung across the table in an attack to mask the pain in her eyes. Max pulled back, picking up her mug and sighing softly. She was well used to Pearl's walls and barriers, the things she did to keep other people out when she was afraid. The silence sat heavy between them, and Pearl downed the rest of her coffee in an attempt to distract herself. It didn't work.

 

"Come walk with me."

 

When Max spoke next, the pity was gone from her voice. It was casual, as if nothing had happened, and Pearl furrowed her brow, confused. The two stood and left, discarding their empty cups, Max leading the way. The city was quieter at night, the streets less full of cars and people, hurrying from place to place. The pair walked slowly, leaving behind the quiet cafe with its softly buzzing sign that read, in bright neon letters that you could read across the street, 'Open 24 Hours'. Max took Pearl's hands, lacing their fingers together as they walked. It held no warmth, and there certainly was no drunkenness to the gesture - it was of solidarity and friendship, not of want or lust.

 

"So," Max started, looking sideways at the blonde girl, who glanced down before meeting her eyes, "What does she look like?"

 

She asked as if she hadn't sat through Pearl describing her earlier, when her cup was full and her heart was lighter. She asked as if she hadn't sat through the rain of fumbled words, as if she hadn't smiled at the way Pearl's cheeks went pink as she talked with her hands, nearly knocking over her coffee. As if she hadn't listened to the way her voice went just the tiniest bit breathless when she talked about the way she moved her body like she was suspended in silks fifty feet above the air, with no relationship to gravity but perhaps a flirtatious glance, or a rose-painted kiss. Pearl didn't notice these things. She didn't notice how her eyes shut off like she was looking at a painting in her mind instead of seeing, how she could hardly talk through the smile on her face, or how absolutely radiant she looked, smiling and describing this mysterious Violet. But Max did. Max noticed and read her like a book, despite how closed-off she was normally. With paintbrushes and pencils for friends, Max was quiet by nature, and she knew how to read people. She knew exactly what to say to get Pearl's mind off whatever it was on, and she was setting her plan into motion. Pearl took a deep breath and stopped walking, turning to look at Max with a little smile and a tiny sigh.

 

"She's... gorgeous. Like, you look at her and think, is she real? Everything about her is just flawless, her hair, her skin, her makeup, everything. I can't even explain it properly. The way she holds herself, too, it's so... ethereal? Is that the right word? Like she has an audience, but she's so graceful and so not self-centered like some girls are."

 

Her voice was picking up, and the lights behind her eyes had gone out again. She pulled her hand from Max's and started talking with it, gesturing and waving her fingers like she was finger-painting a picture for Max in the chilly city air.

 

"I know I've said it before, but she's so beautiful, Max. She really is. Like a painting! One of the ones you'd get stuck in front of as a little kid in a museum, staring and staring because it looks so _real_. And when she looks at you, it's like someone put ice down your shirt, because you can't stop shivering and everything you wanted to say is just totally gone. Her smile, oh my god, her _smile_! Her eyes crinkle up, all tiny wrinkles in the corners right where her makeup is, and her entire face just glows, and you're like holy shit, I did that? I made her smile like that?"

 

Pearl paused to take a breath, and Max took the moment to capture her hands, smiling. The blonde blinked, coming back to the sidewalk, and when she registered Max's face, she cocked her head, confused.

 

"What?"

 

Max just smiled, swinging their hands back and forth. After a moment, she spoke, her voice warm.

 

"You love her."

 

It took half a second to process what Max had said, half a second for the words to sink deep into her bones and fill her head with crackling static. It took only a second for Pearl to rip her hands out of the other girl's grip and half-turn away, only a second for emotion to fill her throat and choke her.

 

"No."

 

Pearl's voice rang out into the lonely night air, like a crack in the glass of a picture frame.

 

"I don't."

 

Her voice shook and broke, shattered like the glass of the picture frame that she threw against the wall so long ago when her parents told her they saw her kiss that girl goodbye for what she never wanted to be the last time. Her heart had broken then too, and Pearl had left it behind like the shards of that glass, to be swept up and thrown away by the maid, tossed to the garbage like all the other things she left behind, like her friends and her home and the girl that she loved with all her broken, desolate heart.

 

"Pearl."

 

Max reached out, a thin, pale hand trying to bridge the sudden gap between them. Pearl pushed it away, turned her body further away, tried to hide the tears welling up in her eyes.

 

"I don't love her, Max. She's just some girl."

 

Pearl looked down, focusing on a spot on the sidewalk and trying to will away the tears. She swallowed against the lump in her throat, then looked back up at Max, who was looking down at the hand that Pearl had nearly slapped away. The air suddenly seemed frigid, and Max straightened up. Something in her face had shifted - was that... anger? No, not anger. Determination, maybe. The battle wasn't over; it was just beginning. What battle, Pearl had no idea, but she knew that Max wasn't going to let her slink away with her tail between her legs, not this time. She didn't get to run this time.

 

"Then why won't you go?"

 

"Because."

 

Max half-stepped closer to her, shoulders squared and chin up, making it clear she wasn't backing down.

 

"Because why?"

 

She had no answer. There was no reason she didn't want to go, other than the fear. It wasn't that Pearl was afraid of falling in love - hell, she did it every other night, fell in love with some girl's eyes or smile or the way she held her drink, the way her lips felt against Pearl's. She was used to falling in love, and she was good at falling out of love. It was stupidly poetic, really, how Pearl's best friend was a beer bottle and her lovers all those nameless girls in her bed, girls that she never saw again or sometimes saw again but she never fell in love again, except sometimes she did, but they always ended up falling asleep between the same sheets again, and Pearl fell back out of love in the morning like she always did. What she was afraid of was really loving someone. Loving someone like she loved the girl she left at home, left without a goodbye or an explanation, only a broken promise of 'see you tomorrow' and that goodnight (goodbye) kiss that they _thought_ was secret, should have been secret, _would_ have been secret if her mother hadn't picked that exact moment to look out the window facing the river and seen her daughter kissing a girl. What did she have to be afraid of, going to see Violet dance? There were going to be other girls there, girls she could fall in love with for a night and kiss goodbye to for good in the morning, because goodbye kisses were what Pearl was best at.

 

Anger rose up in her like a tide, sweeping away the pain and drowning it under a fiery flash of heat. Pearl spun back to face Max, hair flying, and her voice rose, louder and higher, puncturing the air like a knife, a knife in a canvas.

 

"Fine! I'll go!"

 

She didn't care that she was yelling, she didn't care that Max had flinched back from her, the strength gone from her shoulders and her eyes wide. Then, the anger subsided, and Pearl left the silence ringing in the street. She mustered as much courage as she could and started walking away, only to turn back a few steps down the sidewalk to look at Max, who was looking after her with something akin to sadness in her expression.

 

"Happy?"

 

Her voice broke again, and Max looked away, hands curled into fists by her side. This was the first time she'd ever snapped like this, the first time she'd ever raised her voice at Max, let alone nearly stormed away from her.

 

"No."

 

If Max was anything, it was honest. She was looking at Pearl with all her walls down, vulnerable, and Pearl knew she was hurt.

 

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I snapped at you."

 

"That's not what I'm worried about. You're in pain."

 

Pearl didn't know what to say. Max cautiously took a step closer to her, and when Pearl didn't move, she closed the gap between them and took her hands again.

 

"You're hurting, and I'm worried about you."

 

"I'm fine."

 

"No, you're not."

 

"I'm used to it, it's fine."

 

"Used to what?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"Pearl..."

 

Max sighed, squeezing her hands. The blonde looked away, willing away yet another lump in her throat.

 

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

 

"Okay."

 

There was a momentary silence, but this time it felt more natural, comfortable.

 

"Do you want me to go with you? Whenever you're going?"

 

The offer surprised Pearl. Clubs were definitely _not_ Max's scene, especially if the main event was a burlesque performer.

 

"No, I'll be okay. Thanks, though."

 

Max nodded, then tugged on Pearl's hands.

 

"Hey."

 

Pearl looked up, at Max raised her eyebrows, squeezing the blonde's hands again.

 

"If you need me, call me. Okay?"

 

She nodded.

 

"Thanks."

 

There was another heartbeat of silence, and Max smiled at Pearl. She let go of Max's hands to push her hair out of her face and tug on the hem of her sweater.

 

"I'll see you next Saturday, then? At the gallery?"

 

"Yeah. See you."

 

Pearl was the first to turn and walk away. She kept her head down and walked fast, lest the tears come back. She felt fragile in a way that she hadn't in so long, and it was horribly painful. Her apartment was only a few blocks away, and Pearl knew the neighborhood well enough to not be worried making the walk on her own, so she let her thoughts drift as best as she could. She had one thing on her mind as she unlocked the building's door and stepped inside, and that was Violet. As much as she tried to think about other things and distract herself, somehow she always found her mind circling back and replaying her smile over and over, hearing her voice whispering in Pearl's ear, feeling her perfect lips brushing against her cheek even though there was nothing but cold air there.

 

Shutting the door behind her, Pearl flipped on the lights in the small entryway, kicking off her shoes. With a soft sigh, she turned the lights back off and walked through her dark studio, opening the door to her apartment, then closing it behind her. She leaned against it, closing her eyes and slumping. Pearl rubbed a tired hand across her face, not caring if she fucked up her makeup, and after so many days, weeks, months of holding herself together, she finally broke down. It was ugly, loud sobs wrenching themselves from her chest, and Pearl slid down the door, landing heavily on the floor. Her legs stayed curled to her chest, and she hid her face in her arms, trying to stop the flow of tears. It was all too much at once, the way Max had so painfully torn open a hole in Pearl's carefully-stitched-away past and let _her_ face back in, her smile, her laugh - the lips that Pearl tried to pretend she was kissing night after pointless night.

 

Eventually, Pearl caught her breath, the waterfall of tears slowly changing to only a trickle. She picked up her head and looked at her apartment, small and cluttered and _home_. This place, in the city that never sleeps, so far from her old life, was more of a home than her parents' house had ever been, and for that, Pearl was thankful. She stood, slowly, finding the lightswitch and flicking it on, wiping her eyes one last time, and heading for her bathroom. Unceremoniously, she washed her face, then wandered back into her room in a tired daze, changing into sweatpants and a hoodie, before grabbing her phone and cigarettes.

 

There was already a chair sitting by her window, and all that was left for the exhausted girl to do was find a lighter and her ashtray before sitting down. She sank into the chair with a sigh, closing her eyes for a moment. The city was quiet outside her window, starkly different than the daytime noises that floated into the quiet room, audible even if Pearl was playing music while she worked. She pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag. Pearl closed her eyes as she exhaled, feeling her whole body relax. As she smoked, Pearl didn't bother opening her eyes other than to flick her cigarette against the ashtray, and the tension left her little by little. By the time she finished smoking, she was calm, her head level and she could breathe normally.

 

She spent another few minutes just sitting there with her eyes closed, basking in the cool air and the peace of the night. Eventually, Pearl stood up with a sigh, collecting her pack of cigarettes, lighter, and ashtray and putting them away before shutting the window. When she finally fell into bed, she hardly had the energy to pull the blankets over herself before falling asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her body was perfect, swathed in fabric that hid some parts and exposed others, and when she started to strip, her eyes finding Pearl's in the crowd and winking at her, she stopped breathing. Everything about Violet was absolutely ethereal, from the confidence that she walked with to the sultry pout of her lips when she mouthed the words to the song. Her waist was minuscule, laced into a gorgeous corset, and when her skirt landed on the floor and was quickly followed by her body, eyes locked on Pearl's, the blonde went weak in the knees.

Pearl woke up to her phone buzzing. She grumbled to herself, sat up, and grabbed it off her bedside table, unlocking it to find a text from Max.

 

_MAX: i'm sorry about last night. are you doing alright? did you sleep well?_

 

As much as she acted like she hated the silver-haired girl's almost motherly nature, Pearl couldn't help but smile. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and replied quickly before standing up.

 

_PEARL: its cool, dont worry about it. im fine, i slept alright. debating getting coffee but i probably look like hell_

 

The blonde stretched and cracked her back, sighing.

 

_MAX: i can meet you there if you want? oh hush, i'm sure you look gorgeous._

 

_PEARL: gimme like ten mins to put some makeup on and ill be there_

 

She was determined not to let herself get upset today. It was a new day, and Pearl wasn't going to let herself wallow in memories and negativity. No, not today. She had work that needed to be done before Saturday, and a show to go to tonight - it was Monday, and that meant Violet was performing. The bathroom lights were harsh on Pearl's sleepy eyes, and she splashed cold water on her face in an attempt to wake up a little bit more. Makeup was a quick, easy affair, and Pearl pulled her hair into a bun before walking back into her room. She put on a more street-worthy outfit and shoes before grabbing her phone and keys and leaving her apartment, humming to herself. The walk to her favorite coffee shop was quick, and when she got there, Max was sitting outside.

 

"Good morning!"

 

She stood up and pulled the door open for Pearl, who smiled in return.

 

"Coffee's on me."

 

Max tried to protest, but Pearl raised her eyebrows and stepped into line, and she sighed in defeat, rolling her eyes and taking up residency at a table in the corner - Pearl's favorite table. She smiled, and when the man in front of her stepped to the side, Pearl ordered coffee for both of them, Max's preferred order rolling off her tongue flawlessly. Within a minutes, the young barista called her name with a smile, and Pearl picked up both cups, walking to the table Max had claimed. She set Max's coffee in front of her and sat down across the table her with a soft sigh.

 

"So," Max started, looking at Pearl with a smile, "going out tonight?"

 

The question was innocent enough, but Pearl groaned and dropped her head. She picked it back up and took a sip of her coffee - too hot. Pulling a face, she swallowed it anyways, then looked up at Max.

 

"Don't remind me."

 

"Is that a yes, then?"

 

"I didn't say no, did I?"

 

Max's smile widened into a grin, and Pearl rolled her eyes.

 

"Don't look so smug, christ. It's just another bar, no big deal."

 

"Exactly!"

 

The silver-haired girl reached out to touch Pearl's hand softly. Her eyes were warm, and Pearl took another sip of her coffee as she spoke.

 

"It's just another bar, you'll be absolutely fine."

 

There was conviction in her voice that Pearl wished she could make herself believe.

 

\---

 

"Just another bar..."

 

Pearl muttered to herself as she paced around her apartment. She had looked up the club online hours ago, only to find that their shows didn't start until eleven. Being only nine o'clock at night, Pearl had over a half-hour before she even had to leave her apartment. She had painted for most of the day, then showered, done her makeup, and picked out something nicer than her usual clothes to go out in. Pearl tried to tell herself it was because she didn't want to make a bad first impression at a new club, but deep down, it was because she wanted to look better than the first time she saw Violet.

 

"Just another bar."

 

She took a deep breath and sat down on her bed, picking up her phone.

 

_MAX: good luck tonight! remember, i'm always a text or a call away if you need me._

 

_PEARL: thanks mom_

 

_MAX: pfft, of course._

 

_MAX: you know i worry about you._

 

_PEARL: i know, and you know it drives me batshit_

 

_MAX: but you'd miss me if i was gone._

 

_PEARL: duh. who else would i complain to about galleries 24/7?_

 

_MAX: raja?_

 

_PEARL: as if. shes fucking terrifying_

 

_MAX: she's sweet once you talk to her!_

 

_PEARL: you know talking isnt really my strong suit_

 

_MAX: well, you talked to me, didn't you?_

 

_PEARL: wasnt our first conversation bitching about rich ladies spilling champagne on the floor_

 

_MAX: well, yes, but still!_

 

_PEARL: so youre saying i should just go and complain to raja now too?_

 

_PEARL: you just love challenging me dont you_

 

_MAX: of course i do. every great hero has a great foil!_

 

_PEARL: bitch please, hero of what? terrible life choices?_

 

_MAX: give yourself some credit! you did talk to violet too, you know._

 

_PEARL: i said maybe three words and stuttered on two of them_

 

_MAX: but she kissed your cheek, didn't she?_

 

Pearl went red just thinking about Violet's lips on her cheek. It was a gesture that she was so unused to; simple affection without any need (or liquor) behind it.

 

_PEARL: ...yeah_

 

_MAX: still nervous about tonight?_

 

_PEARL: i dont think theres enough vodka or weed in the world to make me not nervous_

 

_MAX: you'll be fine! she wants you there, remember?_

 

_PEARL: yeah, yeah. youve already given me like ten pep talks today alone_

 

_MAX: you've needed all of them._

 

_PEARL: fair enough_

 

_MAX: and besides, i'm just being friendly and giving you my support!_

 

She sighed, putting her phone down. There wasn't much she could do other than wait, and the more she talked to Max, the more nervous she got. No matter how many times her friend tried to reassure her and tell her it would be alright, the more Pearl thought about their conversation the night previous, and the memories it had brought back. The sharp pain from them was mostly gone, now, but there was a deep aching in her chest that Pearl couldn't seem to get rid of. Her bed had been empty for too many days, she had decided earlier. That had been the real driving point behind Pearl going out - she missed having someone to pass the night with.

 

Full of nervous energy, Pearl stood up, running her fingers though her hair. Should she do something with it? No, it looked better down. Should she curl it? No - it would only get messed up and flat, and besides, she wasn't going to try _that_ hard to impress Violet. There was bound to be some other girl there that Pearl could take home that wouldn't give a shit if her hair was curled or not. With a sigh, she walked back into the bathroom to check her makeup in the mirror for the third time since she did it, only to find it hadn't smudged at all. With nothing left to do, Pearl decided to order an Uber. The earlier she got there, the more time she had to get drunk before Violet performed, and the more alcohol she had in her, the better. She'd be much more confident that way.

 

She had ten minutes before her ride would get there, and what else would a stoner do in ten minutes? Pearl opened her window, packed a bowl, and sat down with her lighter, closing her eyes and inhaling the smoke. She held it in her lungs, enjoying the burning feeling, before exhaling out her window. The city was still relatively awake, and somewhere outside, a car honked and someone shouted. Enjoying the way her body quickly relaxed as the buzzing warmth set in, Pearl smoked the rest of the bowl fairly quickly. Right as her phone buzzed, announcing that her Uber had arrived, she tucked the bowl away into its drawer, shutting her window. Pearl didn't bother putting on her heels before grabbing her phone, money, and key, tucking the latter two away on her person before grabbing her shoes and almost running downstairs. With a soft apology to her driver about being late, they were off, making their way slowly but surely across the city to the club. As they drove, pop music playing quietly from the radio, Pearl slipped on her heels and straightened her dress, a simple cream number that clung to her body with a gold belt securing it at the waist. She pressed her lips together and took a deep breath as the car pulled over, and she thanked the driver as she climbed out, tucking her phone into her bra.

 

The club was loud with voices and music, and Pearl immediately started to feel more comfortable. She made her way to the bar and sat in an empty seat, catching the bartender's attention and ordering a drink. Her body felt fuzzy and light, and her chest was just the right amount of warm. The alcohol only served to bolster her mood, and before long, she was swaying in time to the music, her drink mostly gone. The anxiety of the past few days had almost fallen away completely, and Pearl was grateful for it.

 

"Is this seat taken?"

 

She turned, coming face-to-face with a gorgeous girl. Well, more like face-to-breasts, but Pearl decided to ignore that for a moment and nod towards the empty seat to her left with a liquid-confidence smile.

 

"I'll say no, but only because you're pretty."

 

The girl laughed and sat down. She glanced back towards the currently empty stage and Pearl took the moment to look her up and down quickly, admiring her. Her hair was long, black, and pin-straight, her makeup absolutely flawless, and she was wearing a shiny gold dress that complimented her frame and showed off her long, long legs. When she looked back, Pearl grinned at her, finishing the last of her drink. Before she had a chance to say anything, the girl ordered them both drinks, flashing the bartender a smile that made Pearl's heart stutter.

 

"I'm Naomi."

 

She offered Pearl a hand to shake, perfectly manicured, and Pearl took it, smoothly kissing the back of her hand.

 

"Pearl."

 

Naomi smiled, slow and burning. Pearl sensed that this was going to be the girl she spent the night with, if their conversation went the way she hoped it would.

 

"Of the necklace variety or the clam?"

 

The innuendo was clear, and Pearl returned her slow smile, dropping her eyes along Naomi's body quite obviously before responding.

 

"I'm quite impartial to clams, myself."

 

Even though she had only had one drink, flirting was coming much easier for Pearl. Naomi laughed, clear and bright, and the bartender put their drinks in front of them. The dark-haired girl took a sip of hers, then looked at Pearl with a raised eyebrow.

 

"Is this your first time here? I haven't seen you around before."

 

The blonde nodded, sipping her own drink.

 

"I got invited to watch the show."

 

That got her a knowing smile. There was a glint in Naomi's eye, and Pearl felt the stirrings of something in her gut.

 

"Who invited you?"

 

"A girl named Violet. One of the dancers here?"

 

Something flashed across Naomi's face. She took another long sip of her drink before responding, appraising Pearl as she did so.

 

"So you're here to watch her?"

 

"Well, originally, yeah."

 

"Originally?"

 

"Well," Pearl looked to the side and taking a sip of her drink, a coquettish smile tugging at the corners of her lips, "I might've found something else to set my sights on."

 

She looked back up to find Naomi looking at her with a small knowing smile. The two of them said nothing for a few minutes, taking the time to finish their drinks. As soon as Pearl put hers down, her head now buzzing comfortably, Naomi stood, offering her hand. Pearl took it and stood as well, and Naomi's hand drifted down to touch the small of Pearl's back.

 

"The show's starting soon, would you like to try and get closer?"

 

Looking up at the taller girl from under her lashes, Pearl smiled, her hand touching Naomi's waist.

 

"That'd be nice."

 

They made their way closer and closer to the stage, moving through a sea of shifting bodies. As soon as they were within arms-length, Naomi turned back to Pearl, and her hands automatically found the taller girl's waist. They were pressed together, hemmed in by the people surrounding them, and the music quickly filling Pearl's body. It felt like she was floating several feat above herself, and a smile quickly spread on her face as Naomi's arms wrapped around her neck. They moved together, not so much dancing gracefully as they were embodying the pulsing music and feeling each other, and when the lights dimmed and a figure stepped onto the stage, somehow Pearl ended up with her back pressed to Naomi.

 

The crowd cheered and the music faded out, lights rising on the woman standing there. She was gorgeous, all long legs and cascading, perfectly curled blonde hair. Her makeup was dramatic, lips a gorgeous wine red, and her outfit was white and silver, flashing and sparkling under the spotlights. When the music started and she started moving, dancing, Pearl couldn't stop the little 'oh' that slipped from her lips. Naomi must've heard it, because she laughed, soft and low in Pearl's ear, and then whispered to her.

 

"That's Fame."

 

Naomi's hands were on Pearl's waist, and her lips grazed the shell of Pearl's ear as she pulled away. A shiver ran up her spine, and Pearl was torn between focusing on Fame's body and the way she was moving, slowly pulling off a white satin glove, and the hands on her body and the girl attached to them. Naomi's breath was hot against her neck, and Pearl not-so-subtly pulled her hair to one side, exposing the skin there. As Fame's music crescendoed and her skirt came off, revealing even more of her legs and the skimpy piece of shimmery fabric that served as a leotard, Pearl's breath caught in her throat. Naomi's lips touched the skin of her neck right as the lights went out on stage, and Pearl's head fell back, a soft, appreciative hum coming from her.

 

When the lights rose again, a different figure stood on stage. Pearl's heart stopped. _Violet_. There she was, in all her glory, wearing red and silver, her hair framing her face exactly how Pearl remembered it. She looked _down_ on the crowd, her lips an even darker red than Fame's and her eyes darkened with makeup, a tiny smile playing across her face a moment before the music began. Where Fame moved with the music, Violet took the music and made it move to her. Her body was perfect, swathed in fabric that hid some parts and exposed others, and when she started to strip, her eyes finding Pearl's in the crowd and winking at her, she stopped breathing. Everything about Violet was absolutely _ethereal_ , from the confidence that she walked with to the sultry pout of her lips when she mouthed the words to the song. Her waist was minuscule, laced into a gorgeous corset, and when her skirt landed on the floor and was quickly followed by her body, eyes locked on Pearl's, the blonde went weak in the knees. She forgot about Naomi and the rest of the people around her; Violet's dark eyes drew her in and held her captive, and she reached out like she was going to touch Pearl's face. Then, in a swirl of fabric and hair, she was gone, flouncing to a different part of the stage to eye-fuck someone else in the audience.

 

Pearl was mesmerized. Even when the lights faded again, replaced by drunken cheers from the crowd, she was still staring at the spot that Violet had filled. For a second, the spell held, and then Naomi's palm smoothed the front of her dress, lips finding her neck again.

 

"Another drink?"

 

She asked in a quiet voice, and Pearl nodded, following her through the crowd to the bar. Naomi ordered them drinks again, and when the bartender set them down, Naomi motioned towards a table tucked into the corner. Pearl followed her, sipping her drink. Her head was spinning and she wasn't quite sure what to think or feel - she wanted to text or call Violet, somehow find her and tell her how gorgeous she was, but at the same time, she desperately wanted more of Naomi's hands on her and lips on her neck. So, Pearl slid into the cushioned seat next to Naomi, and she didn't say a word when the other girl's hand touched her knee and ran up, brushing back her skirt to stop only inches from her hip. If anything, she encouraged it, spreading her legs and pressing her side to Naomi's. The two of them watched the stage from where they were sitting - a short, curvy girl with long purple hair was performing, swinging her hips and eye-fucking the audience, legs spread as she dropped down, two fingers slipping between black-painted lips.

 

"Laila," Naomi murmured, her fingers dipping down to brush the inside of Pearl's thigh. "She's hot, isn't she?"

 

She closed her eyes and made a soft, breathless noise, smiling before wrapping her lips around her straw and drinking, comforted by the dull burn of the alcohol. Naomi's other hand touched hers and guided her drink back down to the table, and Pearl opened her eyes to find the dark-haired girl looking at her with an almost hungry expression that gave her goosebumps. No matter the type of girl she brought into her bed, Pearl almost always enjoyed herself, but with girls like this, it was always electrifying. She knew the type of girl Naomi was - the type that wrapped you around their finger and flirted until you were nearly desperate, stole your breath and left you aching for more. She was a tease that wanted Pearl to want her, and the blonde was more than happy to oblige. Her hands found Naomi's waist and pulled her close, and their lips met.

 

As smooth-talking as Naomi was, Pearl could tell the other girl was just as drunk as she was. Their kiss was sloppy, uncoordinated, but Pearl loved it, and she wanted more. She only pulled away to gasp in a breath, and when she opened her eyes, Naomi was grinning, her lipstick smudged just the slightest bit. Pearl glanced backwards to see Laila as her music kept going, the beat pulsing around the two girls, but instead, her eyes landed on Violet. She stood, in a simple black dress, her hair and makeup still perfect, looking at Pearl with an indescribable expression, but as soon as their eyes connected, she turned away and disappeared into the crowd. Without a word to Naomi, Pearl stood, her voice getting stuck in her chest, and stumbled after Violet, but she was gone. Tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't explain exactly what was running through her head or why she was about to cry, but she knew one thing for sure, and that was the hurt that she had read in Violet's eyes. Naomi's hands were on her shoulders, turning her around, and Pearl saw the confusion and worry written across her features and only felt worse.

 

"I- I have to go."

 

She managed to stutter out, backing a half-step away from Naomi.

 

"What? Are you okay?"

 

Either she hadn't seen Violet or she was ignoring it. Pearl felt sick, and it was all she could do to shake her head and pull away from the other girl, pushing her way through the crowd. She made it to the door before tears started rolling down her cheeks, and when Pearl pulled out her phone to order an Uber, the fact that there was one less than a block away only made her cry harder. By the time the car pulled up, she had mostly pulled herself together, and by the time they stopped in front of her apartment, Pearl was exhausted. Unlocking her door proved to be much harder than she expected; when she fumbled with the key, Pearl broke down into another wave of sobs. When she finally unlocked the door and stumbled through her dark studio to her apartment, she didn't even make it to her bed - the blonde collapsed with a broken sob, kicking off her heels and curling into a ball on the hard floor. She sobbed until she couldn't breathe, and then as she tried to breathe, she kept crying pathetically. Pearl didn't even know why she was crying anymore, all she was sure of was that she had fucked up. Eventually, she managed to drag herself into bed, and she fell asleep in her dress on top of the covers, makeup and tear tracks covering her face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thought that Violet could want to be the one kissing her in the back of a club instead of Naomi made her heart skip a beat. Maybe Max was right - she really should call Violet, even if it was just to apologize.

Pearl couldn't focus on the gallery. It had been five days since she had seen Violet; five days since Violet had seen her kissing Naomi when she was supposed to be there for her. Max, Raja, and a young girl named Manila held all of the attendees' attention; Pearl was leaning against a wall, arms crossed. If she looked anywhere near as sick as she felt, no wonder nobody wanted to come talk to her - whether it was out of fear of catching whatever they thought she had or out of disgust for her appearance and "unprofessionalism", she didn't care. She only had a few things this week, anyways, and they were all pretty much the same - a dark-haired girl wearing a red dress that clung to her body, turning away from you. A few were of her posing, always like she had something to hide, curled in on herself, one was of her walking through a doorway, one was of her body lit up by stage-lights but her face hidden in shadow, and the last was of her disappearing into a blurred, muted crowd. Something about them was darker than what Pearl usually did, but she supposed it was reflective of her mood, and besides, she didn't care what people thought of her art. The galleries were useless anyways; with the money her parents sent her every month, she didn't even remotely have to think about saving or paying her bills. All they were was a "fuck you, I can do well on my own" to her parents.

 

Which, Pearl thought bitterly, wasn't really true. If anything, the galleries gave her a thousand or so per show after commission, enough to barely scrape by if you didn't count her smoking and drinking habits. Most of her paintings ended up clogging the walls of her spacious apartment, eating away at all her free space. When something got too old, or Pearl needed more room and decided to get rid of a painting, she found someone or somewhere to give it to, with a smile and a quiet "don't worry about it". The truth is, Pearl desperately needed the money from her parents - without it, she would be absolutely lost. But she'd never admit that to herself. Of course not.

 

"Hey, are you okay? You look really pale."

 

Pearl's head snapped up. Raja was standing in front of her, in all her six-foot-something, amazonian-goddess glory, her figure draped in a shimmering gold dress. For half a second, Pearl couldn't breathe, heat flooding her cheeks. Then, she looked away, shrugging.

 

" 'M fine."

 

"Are you sure? I can get you water or something."

 

Her tone was gentle, concerned, but there was no note of pity in it. Pearl sighed and looked up at her, conceding.

 

"Um, water would be nice, I guess..."

 

Raja nodded and smiled at her before turning and walking away without another word. Without her even realizing it, the gallery had ended, the spacious room now empty and near-silent. Pearl turned to her paintings, hanging on the wall behind her, each one carefully labelled with its name, medium, her name, and the price. With weary fingers, she took each one down, sticking each one's little label on the inside of the canvas with the leftover adhesive. Right as she was taking her last painting off the wall, Raja returned, carrying a glass of water, with ice and a mint leaf. _Fancy_ , Pearl thought to herself.

 

"Here. Do you need anything else - a ride home? I can go with you if you want, make sure you get home safe and all that."

 

Was she... offering something? Pearl was too tired (and too sober) to tell if Raja was making the type of offer Pearl thought she might be. She didn't want to admit to herself that she'd be more than okay with going home with Raja - then again, as she tried to picture herself pressed up against the taller girl, the image in her mind warped into Violet. Revulsion and hurt ricocheted through her stomach, and Pearl took the glass with visibly-shaking hands, taking a long sip before answering Raja with a carefully clipped tone.

 

"No, I'll be okay. Thank you, though."

 

Genuine concern was written all over Raja's face. Was Pearl misreading her? She was too out of it to know for sure, and it was starting to make her anxious.

 

"Are you sure? I can give you my number if you'd like? You can call me if you need anything."

 

Was _Raja_ nervous? Pearl blinked, hesitated, then nodded slowly and knelt down to find her purse. She dug her phone out of it, trying not to chip her (already-chipped) nail polish too much, handing it over. Raja looked down at the phone, then back up at her, and cleared her throat softly.

 

"You should probably... unlock it first?"

 

"Oh. Sorry."

 

She took the phone back, typing in her password and opening a new contact. Now a little sheepish, Pearl handed her phone back and turned back to what she was doing. Once the last plastic wrapping was in place, Pearl picked up a painting and started stacking them against the wall. She'd pick them up tomorrow, Pearl decided. She was too drained to do it now, her feet hurt, and she wanted nothing more than to smoke and go to sleep. Ideally, she'd go to the bar, but she both didn't have the energy and was more than a little scared of seeing Violet there, whether in actuality or in the shadows of some stranger's face.

 

"Hey, Pearl?"

 

The blonde turned around to find Raja holding her phone out to her. With a small, tired smile, she took it, kneeling back down to put it back in her purse.

 

"Are you sure you're fine going home alone? You look really... out of it."

 

She shrugged, standing back up.

 

"I'll be fine. Thanks, though, Raja."

 

The taller girl nodded.

 

"Just... text me when you get home safe, okay?"

 

That was an unexpected move. It startled Pearl a bit, and she cleared her throat to give herself a moment to recover before responding.

 

"Uh, yeah. Okay."

 

With a smile and a nod, Raja turned and walked away, going back to her own gorgeous paintings. They were lush and color-filled, and only two remained on the wall of the ten or more that she had brought with her. Raja was the type of girl that made real money here, leaving every week with thousands of dollars in her pocket. Pearl turned away, swallowing back a wave of jealousy.She finished stacking her paintings against the wall and knelt for her purse again, digging for a pen. When her search turned up nothing, she sighed and fished out her phone, opting to send a text to the gallery's owner instead, letting him know that she would be in early the next morning to grab her paintings.

 

When she stood up, Max was walking over, her things packed neatly into a case. Pearl made a mental note to look into getting one for herself, knowing fully well that she would forget within a matter of minutes. She smiled at the silver-haired girl, who was dressed smartly in a long skirt and a grey blouse, several shades darker than her hair. Pearl herself had opted for simple dress pants and a black turtleneck, and with the rest of the girls there, she felt a little inadequate.

 

"Long day?"

 

Max's voice was soft, and she cocked her head to the side, looking at Pearl with a small smile.

 

"You have _no_ idea."

 

"Are you holding up alright?"

 

She shrugged, looking away.

 

"Mostly."

 

Max sighed, taking a half-step closer.

 

"Have you tried calling her?"

 

Just the suggestion of calling Violet sent a flash of sharp panic through Pearl. She shook her head quickly, twisting her hands together.

 

"I can't."

 

"Why not?"

 

"We've already talked about this."

 

Max nodded, relinquishing her argument.

 

"I know. But I still think you should talk to her."

 

She shook her head, pulling the strap of her bag higher up on her shoulder. The other girl reached out and touched her shoulder, smiling at her.

 

"Coffee tomorrow?"

 

Pearl nodded, smiling tiredly at the other girl.

 

"Meet you there at ten."

 

"Alright!"

 

Max turned away and walked back to her things, collecting them and calling a soft goodbye to Pearl, Raja, and Manila before pushing the door open and leaving. The other two girls were talking softly as they packed away their paintings, the walls quickly emptying of the art that had filled them earlier. Pearl cast one last look around her area, making sure everything was in order, before pulling out her phone and finding an uber. There was one a few minutes away, so she figured she had time to smoke a cigarette before it got there. Without so much as a word to Raja or Manila, she stepped outside, almost moving on autopilot with how exhausted she was. Robotic, stiff fingers found a pack of cigarettes in her purse, and she pulled one out, holding it between her lips as she searched for a lighter. By the time she found one, though, the car had pulled up, and she cursed softly as she climbed in. Pearl climbed in and tucked the cigarette back into her pack, then turned to look out the window. There wasn't much traffic, since it was so late, and she watched the buildings roll by through half-open eyes, not really seeing.

 

Violet's face floated in her mind's eye, and all Pearl could think about was the expression on her face right before she disappeared into the crowd: some queer mix of surprise, anger, hurt, and jealousy. The thought that Violet could want to be the one kissing her in the back of a club instead of Naomi made her heart skip a beat. Maybe Max was right - she really should call Violet, even if it was just to apologize. The car stopped in front of her building, and Pearl clambered out, muttering a thank-you to the driver. The woman nodded, told her to have a good night, and she nodded slowly before shutting the door, pulling her purse higher on her shoulder. For a moment, Pearl dug around in her purse before she found her keys, a momentary flash of panic shooting through her before she touched cool metal. Keys in hand, she made her way inside then up the stairs, dreading the dreary climb up to her apartment. The elevators had always made her just the tiniest bit nervous, for some reason, so she opted for the stairs, even when she felt like she was dragging herself up every step.

 

All in the name of health and exercise, though right? _Something_ had to make up for the fact that her liver would hate her by age thirty. Finally, Pearl made it to her floor, and she unlocked her door, kicking it shut behind her and kicking off her shoes, walking through her studio and into her room. She changed into shorts and a tank top quickly, then opened a window, breathing in the cooler air that swept in from outside. Then, dreading the inevitable, she picked up her purse from where she had set it and emptied its contents onto her bed, sorting through them. Her lighter, pack of cigarettes, phone, and wallet were left sitting on her bed when she put everything else back, and Pearl busied herself putting her purse away, then leaving her phone and wallet on the bed as she took her lighter and cigarettes and sat down by the window.

 

She stuck one between her lips and lit it, taking a drag. As she breathed out, she remembered her promise to Raja, and she stood back up, picking up her phone from where it was laying on the bed. She took another drag before sending the other girl a quick message, doing her best not to sound idiotic.

 

She sighed softly, locking her phone and tossing it back on her bed to finish smoking the rest of her cigarette. Her mind wandered, first circling back to Raja and her gold silk dress, typing her number into Pearl's phone, then skipping back to Naomi's body pressed against hers in the alcohol-buzzed heat of the club, and before she could stop herself, Pearl's eyes had drifted shut, and her mind was drifting back to the girl she swore to herself she'd forget.

 

_"You know, a year ago I never would've guessed I'd be here."_

 

_"What, on top of a water tower at two in the morning?"_

 

_She laughed, bright and clear, and turned to look at Pearl. The wind was pulling her hair away from her face, and Pearl grinned, leaning towards her to press a kiss to her cheek._

 

_"That too. But mostly I never would've guessed that I'd be kissing you."_

 

_"Yeah, a year ago you had much higher standards."_

 

_That earned Pearl a gasp of mock-offense and a swat to the shoulder, and she couldn't help but laugh. She leaned into Pearl's shoulder, sighing softly and kicking her legs in the empty air, arms still firmly wrapped around the railing._

 

_"Pearl..." she whispered, barely audible against the wind, "I'm so glad you're here."_

 

_Pearl wrapped her arm around her, pulling her closer._

 

_"I'm glad I'm here too."_

 

_She pulled away to look at Pearl, smiling._

 

_"Actually, you're right. A year ago I never would've kissed a bitchy pothead."_

 

_"You know me_ so _well."_

 

_They were both grinning, and the adrenaline of being up so high was making Pearl giddy. She leaned forward again, this time kissing her square on the lips. She tasted like strawberries and night air with a tiny hint of smoke, and Pearl loved it. One of her hands found the other girl's cheek, cupping it softly, and one of her hands left the railing to slip into Pearl's hair. They kissed without a care in the world, for once unafraid of being caught, as ironic as it was. When they were behind closed doors, the terror of someone walking in was always there, even when the doors were locked and nobody else was home. But here, for some reason, hundreds of feet in the air and in plain view, they didn't care. Pearl could feel the other girl smiling against her lips, and she smiled as well, pulling away after a moment._

 

_"You're so beautiful."_

 

_She rolled her eyes and smiled, but Pearl saw the flush of pink on her cheeks._

 

_"Only you would say that."_

 

_"What, the stoner bitch with no personality isn't allowed to compliment you? C'mon, you really are."_

 

_She giggled, the blush growing. Pearl smiled, touching her cheek softly. She reached up and held Pearl's hand there, smiling back with nothing but pure and complete happiness in her eyes. They held each other's eyes for a moment, then she blinked and turned to look out at the world below them. It seemed almost unreal with how distant it was; Pearl swung her feet into the open air and felt another adrenaline rush flood her system when she looked straight down._

 

_"I don't think I've ever been this high in my life."_

 

_"Physically? Or because this is like the second time you've smoked?"_

 

_"Both, probably. Is that why I can't stop smiling?"_

 

_Pearl laughed, and she mock-pouted._

 

_"Don't make fun of me! It's not like I've really done this before!"_

 

_"I'm not making fun of you! You're just adorable."_

 

_She rolled her eyes again, grinning._

 

_"Asshole."_

 

_"Only the best."_

 

_"Speak for yourself. Some of us aren't into butt stuff."_

 

_Both of them burst out laughing, ugly laughs that filled the air and made tears spring up in the corners of Pearl's eyes with how hard she was laughing. When she could catch her breath again, Pearl pulled her legs back from the edge of the narrow walkway, scooting back to lean against the tower itself, legs crossed. The other girl did the same, smiling at Pearl, who was busy pulling her bowl out of one of her jacket's many pockets._

 

_"Wanna smoke more?"_

 

_The offer had barely left her lips before the other girl was nodding, a sheepish smile on her face. Pearl smiled, pulling her phone from her pocket and turning on the flashlight. She passed it over without a word, and the other girl held it with steady hands as Pearl packed the bowl with practiced fingers. When she was done, she held her hand out for her phone and turned off the flashlight, putting it back in her pocket before fishing out her lighter. She took a long hit, holding it in her lungs as she passed the lighter and bowl and spoke._

 

_"Want me to light it?"_

 

_"No, I can do it."_

 

_She nodded and finally exhaled, admiring the way the smoke looked in the second before the breeze whisked it away. She watched as the other girl closed her lips around the glass, holding the lighter almost straight up. Before she had a chance to burn herself, Pearl reached forward and touched her hand, tilting it away from where the flame would be._

 

_"You were gonna burn yourself."_

 

_"Oh. Thanks."_

 

_Pearl smiled, and the other girl nearly went cross-eyes as she tried to focus on what she was doing - she passed the bowl and lighter to Pearl and held it for a few seconds before coughing._

 

_"Nice! That was a pretty big one."_

 

_She looked up and coughed one more time before grinning._

 

_"Hey, I'm still learning!"_

 

_Pearl didn't respond, already taking another long hit. They passed the bowl back and forth a few times, Pearl only teasing her about taking tiny hits once. When it was beat, she dumped the ash into her palm, then tossed it out through the railing, then turned to the other girl. The warm buzz had already started to set in, and the two of them cuddled up against each other, smiling. Pearl wrapped an arm around the other girl, pressing a kiss to her cheek._

 

_"I love you, Pearl."_

 

_"I love you too."_

 

She found herself mouthing the words to her silent room. When Pearl reached up to touch her face, she was startled to find tears rolling down her face - she had been so lost in reminiscing that she hadn't noticed them at all. Then, it hit her all at once, and a broken sob wrenched itself from her chest.

 

"I love you," she whispered to the nothingness that filled her apartment, as if she could hear it from a thousand miles away, "fuck, I love you so much."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly, she felt nausea rising in her throat - she had lied to the one person that she trusted, she had hurt the one person that had been there for her since day one, and she hated herself for it.

The sound of her alarm was the last thing Pearl wanted to her. She dragged herself out of bed, dismissing the alarm with the swipe of a finger, and trudged to the bathroom, yawning. She'd agreed to meet Max at ten, and it was nine - a quick shower would have to do. The cold water hitting her skin served to wake Pearl up more, though she wasn't sure that was exactly a good thing. She closed her eyes, enjoying the water running in streams down her body, letting herself relax for a moment before she really began her day. Humming to herself, she showered quickly, shaved, then stepped out of the shower, wrapping herself in a towel. For the sake of time, Pearl blow-dried her hair, then braided it back to contain it somewhat. She dried off the rest of the way, then left the bathroom to get dressed, throwing on jeans and a sweater before returning the bathroom to put on at least a minimal amount of makeup.

 

Ten minutes later, she was out the door, deciding she was going to walk to the coffee shop. It was only a few blocks away, and she had enough time to make it there without worry. As she walked, Pearl's thoughts drifted back to the bar again, and she forced herself to veer away from thinking about the expression on Violet's face. Instead, she thought about Naomi, remembering how her tiny gold dress had shown off her legs, remembering how her lithe body felt pressed to hers. Cheeks pink, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and unlocked it to distract herself, checking her messages. There was one from Raja that she hadn't opened the night before, saying she hoped Pearl felt better and telling her to eat something and get some sleep.

 

By the time she turned the last corner of her trip, Pearl had distracted herself entirely, almost walking right past the cafe. Sheepish, she crossed the street quickly. Max was sitting inside - Pearl could see the back of her head from outside - and thankfully, it didn't look like she had seen. When Pearl walked inside and headed over to their usual table, Max looked up, set her phone down, and smiled, indicating the steaming cup already across from her.

 

"Thanks."

 

Pearl mumbled, and Max nodded, as if to say 'don't worry about it'. She sat down and picked up the coffee, taking a sip. It wasn't hot enough to burn, and for that she was grateful. Max didn't say anything for a moment, instead taking a sip of her own coffee, both of them enjoying the quiet music playing from somewhere overhead and the sound of the cafe around them and the city outside. Her phone buzzed - Raja.

 

_RAJA: good morning! did you sleep well?_

 

_PEARL: i slept ok. thanks for checking in last night, sorry i never responded_

 

_RAJA: don't worry about it! i figured you were having a rough night, so no worries. are you doing alright?_

 

_PEARL: just got coffee, im a little better_

 

_RAJA: that's good, i'm glad. are you around this week? i'd love to talk more, maybe get dinner?_

 

Pearl faltered. Was Raja asking her on a _date_? She took another sip of coffee, closing her eyes. It was too early and she was far too sober to really think about it.

 

"Who're you texting?"

 

She looked up to find Max smiling at her, and Pearl locked her phone, putting it down. Raja could wait a few minutes.

 

"Oh, um, Raja. She gave me her number last night and wanted to make sure I was okay."

 

"Raja?"

 

Max asked as if she wasn't sure she had heard Pearl correctly. Backpedaling, Pearl tried to search her mind as to why Raja _wouldn't_ give Pearl her number.

 

"What, is that weird? Is she straight? Oh god, is she homophobic? Should I avoid her? Fuck, is she gonna hate me?"

 

"Hey, breathe. No, you're _fine_ , Pearl, have you _seen_ her? She's gayer than you are!"

 

Max laughed, then took a sip of her coffee. Pearl didn't know what to say, so she covered her awkward flailing for words with a long sip of coffee. Thankfully, Max put her cup down and kept talking, her even, melodious voice somewhat easing Pearl's already-frazzled nerves.

 

"It just surprised me, is all. I mean, god knows it took you weeks to even smile at me when I waved hello."

 

The blonde shrugged, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

 

"I dunno, she's been around since before I started there, and she didn't seem like she was gonna take no for an answer yesterday."

 

With another one-shouldered shrug, Pearl added on an afterthought, cheeks going pink.

 

"And, uh, she's really pretty?"

 

Max rolled her eyes, grinning at Pearl.

 

"Is that _all_ you look for in a girl? Pretty and nice to you?"

 

"Am I supposed to be looking for something else?"

 

"Don't you already have a gorgeous girl on your tail?"

 

Max obviously meant it in a joking way, but Pearl's heart dropped at the hint to Violet. She had been trying her best to _not_ think about her all morning, but now she couldn't get her pained, jealous expression out of her head. She clenched her teeth, gripping her cup just a little bit tighter. The other girl's smile quickly faded as she realized what she had said, and she backtracked with a soft apology.

 

"Pearl, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

 

She bit back a searing remark, not wanting to hurt Max. Instead, she stared down at the table, staying silent.

 

"I'm so sorry, I really wasn't thinking, are you okay?"

 

"I'm fine."

 

Without meaning to, Pearl snapped at her, words short and stinging. Max looked away, obviously upset with herself, and Pearl sighed softly.

 

"Sorry, I-"

 

There was no way to really explain her reaction to Violet being mentioned without telling Max the truth about what had happened that night. She had left Naomi out of the story, telling Max that she had gone, watched Violet, and had waited for her at the bar after the show for an hour, but the dark-haired girl hadn't shown up. It was pretty far from the truth, all things considered, but she hadn't wanted Max asking any more questions that she already was.

 

"I don't understand why you won't just call her, Pearl..."

 

The remark took Pearl aback, and she took a deep breath and a few sips of coffee to try and calm herself before responding.

 

"I _can't_. You wouldn't understand."

 

As much as she tried to sound neutral, a little bit of bitterness edged its way into her voice.

 

"Why not?"

 

She could tell Max was carefully holding herself back, making her voice as soft as possible. It sounded almost forced, and it was starting to get under her skin.

 

"You just fucking _wouldn't_ , okay? I don't want to talk about it."

 

The other girl sighed, leaning back in her seat, coffee in hand. She looked at Pearl carefully, and the blonde looked down at the table, glowering at her cup of coffee, sitting there, half-full. There were a few minutes of silence, and Pearl's phone buzzed again, but she didn't bother checking it. When Max spoke again, her voice was much softer, almost like she was scared.

 

"You know you can tell me anything, Pearl..."

 

Her voice was gentle in a way that broke something in her. Tears suddenly welled up in Pearl's eyes, and she had to will herself not to cry.

 

"I know."

 

Pearl took a long sip of her coffee, knowing she'd have to tell Max. With a deep breath, she spoke again, trying to stop her voice from shaking.

 

"I lied. I did see her."

 

She paused to take another deep breath, her voice threatening to crack. Max's expression shifted not to hurt, like Pearl had expected, but to worry. Pearl looked away, afraid of what Max would look like when she said what really mattered.

 

"Or, um," Pearl had to force herself to keep going, despite how raw her voice sounded and how close to tears she was, "she saw me. Kissing another girl."

 

Her voice finally broke on the last word, and a lone tear rolled down her cheek.

 

"Pearl..."

 

Max reached out and touched her hand, still wrapped around her cup of coffee. At the other girl's touch, she let go of it, instead moving to hold onto her fingers as she held back tears. When she finally brought herself to look back up, confusion was written all over the silver-haired girl's face.

 

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

 

She sounded hurt, and her tone cut Pearl to the bone in a way she didn't see coming in the least. Suddenly, she felt nausea rising in her throat - she had lied to the one person that she trusted, she had hurt the one person that had been there for her since day one, and she hated herself for it. Anger exploded inside her chest, not at Max, but at herself, and she couldn't stop the whip-crack of her voice, lashing out at the girl sitting across from her as she tugged her hand away.

 

"I don't know, okay? I'm fucking _sorry_."

 

As soon as the words left her mouth, Max flinched backwards, fear flashing through her eyes, and Pearl's throat tightened. They stared at each other for what felt like an hour, and the longer Pearl looked at the pain in Max's eyes, pain that she had caused, the more angry she got with herself. When it felt like she was going to explode, Pearl tore her eyes away, grabbing her phone from where it sat on the table and stood up, turning away from the table and walking as quickly as she could to the door of the coffee shop.

 

"Pearl, no, wait!"

 

She ignored Max's voice from behind her, wavering and unsure, pushing open the door and crossing the street without a glance backwards, almost stumbling with how fast she was trying to walk without flat-out running. Her thoughts drowned out the world around her, an unstoppable vortex in her head, and within what felt like seconds, she was standing in front of her building. Keys. She needed keys to get inside. Pearl patted her pockets - nothing. Then it occurred to her - they were still in her purse, which was inside her apartment. Her _locked_ apartment. She could get into the building if she buzzed one of her neighbors, but Pearl didn't know any of them well enough to ask, and besides, she already felt like she was going to be sick. With shaking hands, she leaned against the side of the building, trying to steady her breathing. She was in absolutely no state to call her landlord, either, to ask for her to come let her in. Tears threatened to overflow again, and Pearl had to close her eyes and take a few deep breaths before she could do anything.

 

A few minutes passed, and her heart rate and breathing slowed down enough for Pearl to think at least somewhat rationally. Her head wasn't spinning nearly as much as before, and her hands had mostly stopped shaking. She pulled out her phone, her first instinct being to call Max and ask for help. But, the message that was waiting for her as she unlocked it stopped her short, realizing that she absolutely couldn't call Max like that after walking out on her.

 

_MAX: i'm so sorry, pearl, please forgive me. i know i said things i shouldn't have, and i really shouldn't have pressed you more after you said you didn't want to talk. i'll be at the shop for another half-hour if you want to come back... if not, i understand. please be safe and know that i'm always here for you and you can tell me anything. i'm so, so sorry... please call if you need anything at all._

 

Of course Max thought it was her fault, even when Pearl was the one that snapped at her for absolutely no reason. She closed Max's messages, nausea once again rising in her throat. A message from Raja was also waiting for her, and Pearl chewed on her lower lip as she opened it.

 

_RAJA: sorry, was that too forward? i don't mean to make you uncomfortable._

 

Pearl cursed herself internally. She couldn't do _anything_ right, apparently - first she hurt and betrayed Max, then yelled at her and stormed off like a child throwing a temper tantrum, and now she'd ignored Raja right as she offered dinner. _Stupid_ , she thought to herself bitterly. She started typing a message, then deleted it, deciding that it would be easier to call her and explain rather than send her a mile-long message. So, she took a deep breath and pressed the 'call' button, closing her eyes as it rang.

 

"Hello?"

 

Raja sounded unsure, and Pearl had to swallow back a wave of anxiety before she could talk.

 

"Um, hi."

 

"Pearl? Are you okay?"

 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Well, mostly."

 

"Mostly? What's up?"

 

She paused for a moment before launching into what sounded a lot more rambling and nervous than she had planned.

 

"Well, um, I sorta locked myself out of my apartment, and I've had a shitty morning and my landlord is a complete cunt and I _really_ don't want to deal with her yelling at me about losing my key today, and I don't have anywhere else to go so could I maybe stay at your place tonight? Um, that's probably really weird to ask, since we've barely talked, but she really is a cunt and I'm pretty sure she hates me because I smoke, and-"

 

"Pearl."

 

Fear shot through her, and a million different scenarios played out in her head at once, all revolving around Raja telling her she couldn't stay in one way or another.

 

"Breathe, okay? You can stay with me, of course."

 

Pearl let out a long breath she didn't know she was holding.

 

"I, um, thank you so much, Raja."

 

"Of course. I'm not home right now, I'm out, but my roommate is home, so she can let you in. I'll text you my address, okay?"

 

Raja's hospitality almost frightened Pearl more. She wasn't used to people being particularly kind to her, much less wanting her around.

 

"Yeah. That'd be great. Thank you so much."

 

"Of course, don't worry about it! I'll let my roommate know you're on your way over so she can let you in."

 

"Thanks."

 

"I'll be around in an hour or so. See you soon!"

 

"Yeah, see you."

 

Raja hung up, and Pearl stood there for a moment with her phone still to her ear, reeling from her kindness and complete willingness to help someone she'd hardly had a conversation with before. Her phone buzzed, startling her, and Pearl pulled it away from her ear to read Raja's address. She took another slow, deep breath before finding an uber, her hands only the littlest bit shaky. She'd have to call her landlord the next day, she realized suddenly - everything she needed daily, from her credit card and ID to cigarettes and weed, were locked in her apartment where she couldn't get to them. Swallowing back a new wave of panic as she realized she'd be completely without anything to smoke for the next night (at the very least), Pearl watched the street, waiting for her uber to pull up.

 

When it arrived, she climbed in, mumbling a quiet 'thank you' to the driver, who nodded in response as he pulled away from the curb and started driving. Raja's apartment wasn't too far from hers, Pearl thought to herself, she probably could've walked if it weren't for her feeling like her legs were about to give out from under her from anxiety. When the car pulled to a stop, she thanked the driver again and got out of the car, clutching her phone tightly. She checked the apartment number that Raja had texted her for what was probably the fifth time in the space of five minutes, then took a deep breath before pressing the proper button. After a moment, a crackly voice sounded from the speaker.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Um, this is Pearl..."

 

"Right. C'mon in."

 

The door clicked, and Pearl opened it, chewing nervously on her lower lip. Her head was spinning with nerves again, and she crossed the small lobby to the elevator. She reread Raja's text yet again, then stepped into the elevator and pressed what she hoped was the right button, terrified she would do something wrong even though it wasn't that complicated at all. Trying not to let herself panic, she leaned against the wall of the elevator as it moved and closed her eyes, opening them only when a soft ding sounded and the doors slid open. For a few seconds, she stood there, staring at the small hallway and door before her. When she finally worked up the courage, Pearl stepped out of the elevator and up to the door. She knocked halfheartedly, hoping that whoever Raja's roommate was, she was close enough by the door to hear.

 

A few seconds after she knocked, there was a loud thump and a muffled curse from beyond the door, and Pearl took a half-step back, wincing as there was another thud. After a moment, the door swung open, and the girl that stood in the doorway damn near took her breath away. She rivaled Raja in her statuesque beauty, with short black hair that swooped across her forehead, strong cheekbones, and bright blue eyes. She was tall, an inch or two taller than Pearl, wearing a tank top and what could be either underwear or shorts, they were so short. Pearl was nearly awestruck, and it took her a moment of deer-in-the-headlights staring at the gorgeous girl before she shook herself and said something.

 

"Um, hi..? I'm Pearl."

 

Her voice was a terrified whisper, and the girl nodded, stepping back and opening the door with a smile.

 

"Come inside! Jesus, you look scared half to death. I'm not a serial killer, christ!"

 

She laughed, and Pearl walked into the apartment, painfully aware of how awkward she was. Once a step inside, she turned back to the girl, who shut the door and turned to Pearl, holding out a perfectly-manicured hand. After a half-second of staring at it blankly, Pearl reached out and shook her hand.

 

"Hey, it's okay. I'm not gonna kill you or anything. I'm Raven, Raja's roommate. She told me you locked yourself out and needed a place to crash."

 

Pearl nodded, swallowing hard and trying to think of something to say that didn't sound absolutely redundant.

 

"Yeah, um, sorry for such short notice..."

 

Raven shrugged, grinning at her.

 

"Oh, it's fine! I totally get it. Bitchy landlord?"

 

"Yeah."

 

The dark-haired girl nodded, then turned and walked into another room, talking over her shoulder.

 

"I get you. My last landlord was terrible, I lost my keys and she screamed at me on the phone for an hour."

 

Pearl followed her into the kitchen, and Raven leaned against a counter, looking at her. Suddenly self-conscious in her plain jeans and sweater, hair a mess and makeup sure to be messier, she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and chewed on her lip.

 

"Can I get you something to drink?"

 

"Um..."

 

"We have plenty of alcohol, if that'll help you relax a little."

 

Raven's tone was joking, and Pearl half-smiled, way too in her head to be able to relax.

 

"Um, that'd be nice."

 

She nodded.

 

"Wine? Here, why don't you sit down while I get glasses?"

 

She indicated a doorway on the opposite side of the room, and Pearl nodded meekly, crossing the room and walking through the doorway, which lead to a living room. Pearl sat on the couch in the middle of the room, unlocking her phone to find a text from Raja.

 

_RAJA: get there okay?_

 

_PEARL: yeah, raven let me in. thanks again btw_

 

_RAJA: no problem! i'll be there soon._

 

When she looked up, Raven was walking into the room, holding a bottle of wine in one hand and two full glasses in the other. She sat next to Pearl, setting the bottle on the coffee table in front of them and handing her one of the glasses.

 

"Thanks."

 

"No problem."

 

Pearl took a sip of the wine, looking over at Raven. Her face was makeup-less, but her skin was absolutely flawless, and Pearl looked away before she was caught staring.

 

"So," Raven started, turning to look at her, "Raja was talking about you last night."

 

That startled her. Raja? Talking about _her_?

 

"She was?"

 

Raven nodded, pausing to take another sip of her wine, and Pearl did the same.

 

"She was worried about you. Kept saying you didn't look well and wouldn't let her help. Y'know, typical Raj, all Mother Theresa and shit."

 

"Oh."

 

"So, what was it? Breakup? Long night at the bar? We've all been there."

 

"Uh, sort of...?"

 

Raven nodded sagely, as if Pearl had said something particularly wise. When the seconds ticked past and she didn't say anything else, Pearl realized she was probably waiting for an explanation.

 

"Well, I met this girl - Violet. She modeled for me, so I have someone to paint, y'know? And, um, she gave me her card, and turns out she dances for this club across town, and I went there, and-"

 

Pearl paused to take another sip of wine, hoping Raven didn't hear her voice crack with emotion.

 

"-I was supposed to meet her after the show, at least I think I was, but another girl ended up buying me a drink, and..."

 

She trailed off, voice now raw with emotion, and noticed the expression on Raven's face. For a split-second, it was a small look of knowing, her lips pressed together, but when she saw Pearl looking at her, her face softened. Pearl took a deep breath and another sip of wine before continuing.

 

"She ended up seeing me kissing her."

 

Raven just looked at her for a moment, something indecipherable in her eyes, and before she could stop herself, Pearl was rambling on.

 

"Now I'm fuckin' scared she hates me, and I'm too scared to call her, and I don't know what to do, and-"

 

The sound of a door opening startled her, and Pearl stopped talking.

 

"Rave? Pearl?"

 

Raja's voice came from the door, and Raven stood up. Pearl stood as well, but Raven waved her back as she walked back through the kitchen. Pearl sat there, taking another sip of her wine. It suddenly struck her how weird the whole situation was - it couldn't be much later than noon, and here she was, sitting on a stranger's couch and drinking their wine, having just spilled her emotional turmoil to a girl she didn't even know for more than five minutes.

 

Raja walked into the living room, pulling Pearl from her thoughts. Raven was right behind her, and Pearl stood up, straightening her sweater nervously.

 

"Thanks for letting me stay here."

 

"No problem! Are you doing okay?"

 

Pearl shrugged, not really sure how to respond. Thankfully, Raven said something from behind Raja, and Pearl sat down again.

 

"Girl problems."

 

They shared a knowing look, then Raja walked around the couch and sat next to Pearl, picking up Raven's glass and drinking what was left in it all in one go.

 

"Bitch, that was my glass!"

 

Raven was grinning, and she punched Raja lightly in the arm, both of them grinning.

 

"Oh, get over it, we've done _way_ worse than share a glass."

 

Pearl snorted at that, and Raven shot Raja an obviously fake look of shock.

 

"We have a _guest_ , Raj, don't scare her away with that kind of talk!"

 

Feeling a little more at ease with the banter between the two girls, Pearl fired back a comment, the glass of wine helping her relax a little.

 

"Scare me away? Shit, I didn't know you thought I was straight."

 

Raven cackled, stealing the glass from Raja and refilling it.

 

"I like her, Raj."

 

Now, it was Raja's turn to wear fake shock, turning first to Raven then to Pearl with her hand over her heart.

 

"Holy shit, _Raven_ likes you right away?"

 

Not sure how to respond, Pearl just didn't say anything.

 

"You can stay as long as you like, if _she_ likes you."

 

Raven rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her wine before passing the glass to Raja.

 

"I don't hate _everyone_ I meet right away, Raj."

 

Raja took a sip and passed the glass back, grinning at Raven. Pearl finished her own wine, and without a word, Raven took the glass and refilled it, handing it back to Pearl.

 

"You hated me."

 

"Well, no shit, but that's because you were dating my ex."

 

"Okay, fair. But still, you glare at everyone constantly."

 

"I'm pretty sure if I glared at her, Pearl would've run away. She looked fucking terrified."

 

Raja turned to Pearl, who shrugged with a sheepish expression, taking another sip of her wine. The smalltalk continued between them, mostly between the two roommates, but Pearl commented every now and then. The three of them finished the bottle of wine after a while, but nobody moved, instead continuing to talk. Pearl felt oddly at ease, like she'd actually known the two girls for longer than a few hours. Something about the way they unquestioningly accepted Pearl made her feel a little more at home, and after what felt like hardly an hour, Raja was standing up, looking at her phone.

 

"Do you guys want anything to eat? I'm feeling chinese."

 

Raven shrugged, standing up as well.

 

"I'm cool with that."

 

Raja nodded.

 

"Pearl?"

 

"Chinese is fine by me."

 

"Want anything specific?"

 

She shook her head, and Raja nodded, making her way into the kitchen. Raven followed her, empty bottle of wine and glasses in hand. Pearl stayed where she was, not bothering to check her phone. After a moment, Raven walked back into the room, and she could hear Raja ordering over the phone. Raven sat back down on the couch, looking at her phone, and Pearl looked around the room absentmindedly. She heard Raja thank whoever was taking her order, then she was walking back into the room. She took her place back on the couch, and the three of them struck up conversation again. When the food arrived, there was a short lull in which the three of them started eating, but soon enough, conversation picked back up again, and in what felt like a matter of minutes, the food was gone.

 

Another bottle of wine was brought out, and before long, it was empty, too. Pearl's face hurt from grinning and her sides hurt from laughing, and for the first time in the two long years she'd been living in the city, she felt at home. Inevitably, though, Raja stood up with a yawn, mentioning having to go to work early the next day. She offered the guest room to Pearl, and she accepted gratefully, stepping into the bathroom to take off her makeup. When she walked into the guest room, with its perfectly-made bed and a potted plant in the corner, a wave of nostalgia hit her. Something about the room reminded her of growing up in her own room, so many miles away, and before she started reminiscing again, Pearl heaved a sigh, shut the door, turned off the light, kicked off her shoes, and undressed, climbing into the bed in just underwear and her sweater.

 

\---

 

Pearl woke up to voices and laughter from the other room. Groaning a bit as she squinted against the bright light, she reached for her phone, grabbing it off the bedside table. It was already past noon. With a quiet curse, Pearl dragged herself out of bed, pulling on her pants and bra. She pulled her hair out of its braid - which was mostly destroyed by now, anyways - and ran her fingers through it, deciding that a bun would have to do. Pearl stuck her phone in her pocket and walked over to the door, stopping with her hand on the doorknob. She tried to listen to the voices through the door for a moment, wondering who Raven was with. A part of her almost didn't want to leave the room, in case she interrupted something, but some logical part of her brain told her to stop being ridiculous - it was after noon and she hadn't left the room yet. Staying in would probably come off as rude.

 

So, she opened the door, walking out into the living room. She saw Raven first, standing up and turning to her with a smile. Then, she realized who was sitting next to her as she stood up, a smile on her face as well.

 

"Hi, Pearl."

 

Her eyes met Violet's, and her heart dropped.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: this chapter contains an extremely homophobic interaction, homophobic slurs, suicidal thoughts, and alcohol/drugs used negatively. please keep yourself safe and don't read the chapter if such content upsets you.

_The sun shone through the trees, scattering odd shadows across her skin. From where Pearl was stretched out on a towel, she couldn't see the water, but she could hear it as the brook made its way around rocks and tree roots. A shadow draped itself across the other girl's face, dipping down to cover part of her shoulder. Despite the patchy shade, it was warm underneath the trees, and the midday sounds of wildlife around them was relaxing. Pearl closed her eyes, a peaceful smile on her face. The two of them lay there, fingers intertwined, side-by-side, enjoying the afternoon. The sun was especially warm on her skin, and Pearl would've started drifting off to sleep if it hadn't been for the other girl's soft breath of her name._

 

_"Pearl?"_

 

_She opened her eyes, finding another pair already on her. As their eyes met, the other girl smiled, sitting up._

 

_"This is so pretty."_

 

_Pearl sat up as well, their hands still firmly clasped._

 

_"Thank you for bringing me here."_

 

_She turned to Pearl, smiling, and Pearl leaned forward to kiss her softly before responding._

 

_"The prettiest place for the prettiest girl."_

 

_Her words were punctuated by a bird's call somewhere above them, then the other girl let out a screech of laughter, letting go of Pearl's hand to hit her in the shoulder lightly._

 

_"That's so fucking cheesy, oh my god, you're such a loser!"_

 

_Grinning, Pearl swatted at her, and it quickly devolved into full-on play-fighting, both of them screeching with laughter and swatting at each other. Somehow, Pearl ended up on top of the other girl, and she grabbed her wrists to pin her down, still laughing._

 

_"Okay, asshole, you can get off me now, this isn't some shitty porno."_

 

_With a snort, Pearl rolled off her, and she sat up again, hair a wild mess and a huge grin on her face._

 

_"For future reference, I will_ not _let you fuck me outside. Or vice versa. Me and nature don't get along that well."_

 

_Pearl pushed herself up, rolling her eyes._

 

_"Damn, there goes my date idea."_

 

_She wrinkled her nose at Pearl, making the most disgusted face she could._

 

_"Romance is alive and well."_

 

_"Hey, I never claimed to be a romantic."_

 

_"Clearly."_

 

_"You're so nice to me."_

 

_"Hey, you signed up for this!"_

 

_Both of them were grinning again, a teasing glint in the girl opposite Pearl's eyes._

 

_"Okay, fair. I did."_

_"And? Is that it? No snotty comeback or self-deprecating joke?"_

 

_She leaned forward, pressing the back of her hand to Pearl's forehead?_

 

_"Are you sick?"_

 

_Pearl just grinned, rolling her eyes, and she pulled her hand back, narrowing her eyes at Pearl._

 

_"Who are you and what have you done with Pearl?"_

 

_The blonde snorted, leaning back to rest on one elbow._

 

_"I'm fine."_

 

_The other girl raised her eyebrows at her, not believing her._

 

_"You sure?"_

 

_"Positive."_

 

_Her face softened, and she reached out to touch Pearl's cheek._

 

_"No, something's up - you've been quiet all day. What's wrong?"_

 

_Pearl was silent for a moment. She hadn't even realized she was acting differently, but as soon as it was said, it clicked into place as to why. With a soft sigh and a one-shouldered shrug, she looked away, voice dropping into a near-mumble."_

 

_"I'm just gonna miss you, is all."_

 

_She sighed as well, opening her arms. Without hesitating, Pearl sat up and moved to hug her, neither of them saying anything for a moment._

 

_"Three weeks isn't that long."_

 

_Pearl sighed, letting go of her to sit back, keeping hold of one of her hands._

 

_"I know, but still... you'll find me the second you're back, right?"_

 

_"And the minute I can get away, we can go to the water tower."_

 

_"I can't wait."_

 

_"It'll be over before you know it!"_

 

_Pearl frowned, more jokingly than seriously._

 

_"What am I supposed to do without my favorite smoking buddy?"_

 

_"Do you seriously only think about weed and sex?"_

 

_"And you."_

 

_"One, that was really gay, and two, that's what I meant by sex."_

 

_"Who says I only think about having sex with you?"_

 

_"Wow, way to tell me I'm bad in bed right before I go to Brazil for three weeks."_

 

_"That's not what I meant!"_

 

_Pearl was laughing, and the other girl closed her eyes, a huge smile on her face._

 

_"Ooh, Brazilian girls are so pretty, too..."_

 

_"You bitch!"_

 

_"Hey, if you get to think about fucking someone else I have every right to think about a nice Brazilian girl."_

 

_"Real talk though, if you do fuck a really pretty Brazilian please send me pictures."_

 

_"Oh my god, you're such a fucking whore!"_

 

_"That's why you love me so much."_

 

_"Noooo," she said, drawing out the word, leaning forward to wrap her arms around Pearl again, "I love you because you're funny, sweet, adorable, and you make me happy."_

 

_They separated again, and the mischievous twinkle was back in her eye._

 

_"And because you're really good in bed."_

 

_\---_

 

_"Don't splash me, you bitch!"_

 

_She shrieked and backpedaled in the water, kicking at Pearl. Which, of course, only prompted her to splash the other girl again, and before long, both of them were laughing and falling into each other's arms, soaking wet and shivering, but Pearl wouldn't want it any other way. She planted a kiss on the other girl's cheek, and as if they had the same thought at the same moment, they slid deeper into the water, up to their necks. Pearl reached up to brush a strand of hair out of the other girl's face, slicking it back with the rest of her hair, and she caught Pearl's wrist, pulling her closer and kissing her solidly on the lips._

 

_Pearl could feel her smiling; she almost always could when they kissed. When they pulled apart, both of them were smiling at each other, and she returned Pearl's earlier gesture, pushing a piece of hair out of her face. There was a few seconds of stillness, both of them just looking at each other, before her smile shifted to a smirk, and half a second later, she splashed Pearl in the face, diving under the water and attempting to swim away. Pearl caught her around the waist and dragged her up long enough for her to try and spit water in Pearl's face, then they both dunked under, clinging to each other again. When they surfaced, they were both screeching with laughter, and the play-fighting continued until they were both out of breath and pinching cramps in their sides._

 

_Nearly dragging herself to shore with one arm, trying to catch her breath and keep her hand firmly clamped around the stitch in her side, Pearl couldn't stop grinning at the other girl, who was doing the same. Somehow, they managed to make it back to their towels, and they collapsed on top of them, breathless and giggling._

 

_"I hate you so much."_

 

_Pearl grinned and said nothing, blowing her a kiss. She rolled her eyes, and without another word, wrapped her arms around Pearl, who sighed happily and closed her eyes._

 

_\---_

 

_"We have to come back here when I get back."_

 

_"Of course."_

 

_She nodded, pulling her sundress on. Pearl smiled, then took her own clothes from her bag, pulling on shorts and a t-shirt over her bathing suit. They tucked their towels away into Pearl's backpack, found their shoes and put them on, then with a final glance back at the creek, she sighed, taking Pearl's hand._

 

_"We should probably get back. I don't want my dad getting angry at me for being gone too long. Plus, I have to finish packing."_

 

_She sounded resigned, and Pearl squeezed her hand._

 

_"You're gonna be fine, okay? I promise I'll call you every night."_

 

_"I know, but..." she heaved a sigh and started walking, still holding Pearl's hand, "I just don't want to spend three whole weeks with them. Especially if I have to pretend I'm straight."_

 

_"Good luck with that."_

 

_Pearl couldn't help her grin. The other girl stopped, turning around, and Pearl nearly bumped into her._

 

_"What's that supposed to mean?"_

 

_The teasing glint was back in her eyes, and she was barely suppressing a grin._

 

_"You don't exactly look straight, that's all."_

 

_"Oh, shut up! At least I'm not in terrible flannels half the time."_

 

_"Hey, I happen to like those! One of us has to be the stereotypical lesbian, anyways."_

 

_She snorted, rolling her eyes._

 

_"You're fucking ridiculous."_

 

_"You love me."_

 

_She leaned closer to press a quick kiss to Pearl's cheek before tugging her hand softly._

 

_"C'mon, we should go."_

 

_Pearl nodded, and the two of them started walking back towards their neighboring houses, hand in hand. It wasn't a particularly short walk, but Pearl found herself wishing it could be even longer as the trees started to thin out, their houses coming into view. As the two of them drew even with the last few trees, the ground under their feet turning from twigs and dead leaves to grass, they stopped walking, turning to face each other. Pearl took the girl's other hand, looking at her for a moment before pulling her into a hug._

 

_"I'm gonna miss you..."_

 

_She whispered into Pearl's shoulder, and she could hear the pain in her voice._

 

_"I know, I'm gonna miss you too. But we'll make it."_

 

_They pulled apart, and Pearl smiled at her, reaching up to cup her cheek. She lifted her own hand to keep Pearl's there, and she leaned in to kiss her once last time, savoring the way their lips felt together. Inevitably, they pulled apart, and Pearl tried not to notice the tears shining in the other girl's eyes._

 

_"It's only three weeks, we'll be okay."_

 

_A tear ran down her cheek, and Pearl caught it with her thumb, wiping it away. She hugged her again, tightly._

 

_"It's gonna be okay."_

 

_She whispered into the skin of her neck, and the other girl nodded. After a moment, she pulled back to look at Pearl, smiling despite the tears still in her eyes._

 

_"I'll call you every night, I promise."_

 

_Pearl nodded, smiling back._

 

_"I love you."_

 

_"I love you too."_

 

_"See you soon."_

 

_The other girl nodded, and Pearl kissed her softly, quickly, squeezing her hands one last time before letting go. Pearl stood and watched her turn away, taking a few steps before turning back and lifting a hand to wave goodbye, a sad smile on her face. When she turned around again, Pearl took a deep breath and watched her for a moment. She pulled the other strap of her backpack onto her shoulder, ran her hands through her hair, then turned to her own house. The fence that laid between their houses separated the two of them once again, and Pearl let out a long, slow breath. She looked up at her house, and her heart stopped in her chest._

 

_Her mother was standing at the window, a hand over her heart and a horrified expression on her face._

 

_\---_

 

_"I will not allow this sort of debauchery in my home!"_

 

_Pearl said nothing, curled up as tightly as possible in the furthest corner of her bed._

 

_"I won't stand for a FAGGOT living in my house!"_

 

_He was red in the face, stabbing the air with a finger, and Pearl shrank back, terror flooding her chest and leaving an empty cavity where her lungs should be._

 

_"OUT! GET OUT! I REFUSE TO LET YOUR FAGGOTRY RUIN OUR PERFECTLY GOOD FAMILY NAME!"_

 

_"Honey..."_

 

_Her mother laid a hand on his arm, and he glared at her, far beyond reason. She sighed softly, looking out the window that faced the neighboring house. When she turned back, the look she fixed on Pearl was cold._

 

_"You have a month to gather your things and find a place to live."_

 

_Pearl's heart swelled. A month meant she would be able to sneak away and see the girl in the house next door, a month meant she'd get to say goodbye._

 

_"Two weeks."_

 

_Her father's voice thundered through the room, and as quickly as it blossomed, the hope in her heart was crushed, and she couldn't help the soft plea that left her lips. He stood there, a finger pointed at her and disgust written across his face, for a moment, just staring at Pearl, before he straightened and dropped his finger. When he spoke again, it was intimidatingly quiet._

 

_"I'm going over there right now. Her father deserves to know about this."_

 

_Pearl froze. She'd heard enough times what would be done to the other girl if her father found out she was gay, let alone found out she had kissed another girl._

 

_"Please, no-"_

 

_"YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO SPEAK TO ME!"_

 

_Her father screamed, his finger stabbing dangerously closer. Pearl shrunk back further, tears suddenly rolling freely down her face. The man backed away, into the doorway of her room._

 

_"I'm going over there. Take her phone, take her laptop. She's never speaking with that other faggot again."_

 

_Before she could protest, her mother took her phone from where it was sitting next to Pearl and handed it to her father, her laptop soon following. The tears only came faster, and without another word to her, but plenty of glares, her parents left the room, the door slamming behind them. She could only hold in her sobs long enough to hear her front door open and close, then she buried her face in her pillow and sobbed until she had no tears left._

 

_\---_

 

_She tried to pretend it was something else shattering as it was thrown at the ground, but she knew it was her phone, taking the other girl's number with it. Bitterly, she wished she had been smart enough to save it. Hysterical couldn't even begin to describe how she felt._

 

_\---_

 

_Her clock blinked three in the morning. She couldn't sleep._

 

_\---_

 

_The bottle of vodka in her closet called her name, half-full of precious liquid that burned her throat on the way down._

 

_\---_

 

_She pulled her glasses case from where it was hiding, the one that hadn't held glasses in far too long and smelled much better right now than it ever had before. It smelled like an escape._

 

_\---_

 

_There was an easy, safe way for her to get down - the overhang that held her weight just fine, to the lower windowsill in the guest room that nobody used, then down to the ground - but she didn't care enough to find it. The jump didn't hurt, and if it did, she didn't care._

 

_\---_

 

_Her walk was short, and she finished the bottle of vodka as she walked. She threw the glass bottle into the woods alongside the road and was disappointed when it didn't break._

 

_\---_

 

_Somehow, the ground was even further away than she thought it would be. She leaned over the railing, and she wasn't afraid._

 

_\---_

 

_She held the smoke in her lungs until it burned; she didn't want to feel anything._

 

_\---_

 

_In her head, she could hear her laugh and see her smile. She could feel her burrowing into her side, telling her how pretty the view was from so high up. It was only days ago that the two of them were up here last, but it felt like years. When she opened her eyes, all she saw was the ground, so far away, so inviting. It would be so easy, she thought to herself; so, so, easy._

 

_\---_

 

_Her glasses case was empty, and she didn't know or care how long it had been since she had moved. Everything was spinning and she had only just realized she wasn't wearing shoes._

 

_\---_

 

_When she threw it over the railing, her bowl shattered against the cement. She imagined her bones doing the same, and smiled at the thought._

 

_\---_

 

_Even weeks later, she wasn't sure what was longer: the climb down to the ground or the flight to New York three days later._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both of them were grinning at each other, and Pearl felt the beginnings of jealousy twist her stomach. She swallowed it back, picking at a hole in her jeans to try and distract herself.

The two of them stared at each other for several long, painful seconds, until Raven broke the silence by not-so-subtly clearing her throat. Pearl's eyes jumped to her, and she realized her heart was pounding in her chest and her legs felt weak.

"Come sit down."

Raven spoke gently, and it was more of a suggestion than anything. Pearl swallowed hard before picking her way carefully around the couch, seating herself as far away from Violet as humanly possible. She focused on her knees, fear and embarrassment mixing in her stomach and making her nauseous.

"You two need to talk."

Pearl looked up at Raven, who was looking between the two of them expectantly. Violet was looking down at her lap, and Pearl could tell she was trying to look nonchalant. Silence stretched on between the three of them, and Pearl looked back down, staring a hole into the floor. She could feel the tension building in the room; it was practically thick enough to cut with a knife. The longer she sat there, as still as possible, the more guilty she felt - neither Raven nor Violet would be sitting there, uncomfortable, if she hadn't flirted with Naomi and had just stayed at the bar for Violet, like she should've.

"S-sorry.."

It was a whisper, barely making it past her lips before her voice cracked. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Violet wince ever-so-slightly, like the word had been thrown at her. Raven sighed, clearly frustrated, and Pearl looked up, suddenly scared that she had pissed her off. The dark-haired girl stood, looking first at Pearl, then at Violet, who was also looking up at her with an expression full of fear.

"You guys need to figure this out."

With that, she made her way around the couch and disappeared into her room, shutting the door behind her. Pearl returned her gaze to the floor, terrified of what would happen next. She braced herself for Violet to tell her how hurt she was, how she was disgusted with Pearl, how she was terrible and unwanted and how Violet hated her. 

"If you don't want to work with me anymore, I understand."

Pearl looked up sharply. That was the last thing she had expected Violet to say - what part of this whole mess could she possibly think was her fault? Violet was looking down at her knees, picking at the hem of her short skirt with perfectly-manicured nails. How could she think any of this was because of her? Before Pearl could say anything, she continued, in the same quiet, fearful, carefully calculated voice.

"I probably came on too fast, I'm sorry... I didn't know you were going to be here, I swear I wouldn't have come if I did, I know you probably hate me, she probably told you all about me and everything's true, I can't lie-"

Her voice broke, and she took a deep, shuddering breath. She looked up, catching Pearl's eyes for a moment before dropping them again, long enough for Pearl to register the absolute terror that Violet was trying to hide.

"Wait, no, slow down."

Pearl tried to say it as softly as she could, but Violet winced anyways, almost like she was expecting a berating.

"Who's she? And what did she tell me?"

Violet looked up from under her bangs, her voice scared and halting.

"Naomi..?"

"The girl at the bar?"

Violet nodded, looking away again.

"What about her?"

"She didn't... say anything about me?"

Pearl shook her head slowly, and Violet mumbled a small 'oh'.

"She didn't even tell me she knew you."

"I thought... since you two were..."

Pearl shook her head again, and Violet visibly relaxed a little.

"So... you don't hate me?"

"How could I? You haven't done anything wrong. If anything, you should hate me."

"Why would I hate you?"

"I was supposed to be there for you, and I ended up making out with someone else in the corner of the club..?"

She shook her head, looking at Pearl quizzically.

"I never asked you to be there, I just gave you my card."

"You're not mad?"

"No! Of course not!"

Pearl couldn't think of anything to say. She was, quite frankly, absolutely shocked that Violet wasn't even upset with her. After a moment of silence, Violet spoke again.

"I just realized, this probably seems really weird."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, um, obviously neither of us had any idea the other was going to be here, and this is all kinda turning out to be one really big, um, clusterfuck."

"Yeah... kinda."

"Is why I'm here a good place to start?"

"I guess so."

"Actually, I should probably start at the very beginning."

Pearl nodded, not quite sure what to say. Violet took a deep breath and launched into an explanation.

"Well, I met Raven around a year and a half ago, when I started working at the same club she bartends at. We got pretty close pretty quickly, and I eventually met her roommate, Raja, who you obviously know. The three of us hung out a few times before Raven and I decided to go to one of Raja's galleries, since she never really showed me any of her art."

She paused to take a deep breath, obviously trying to steady her still-shaky voice. 

"That's where I saw you the first time. And, um, not to sound totally cliche or anything, but I was a little head-over-heels, and I was so fucking terrified to talk to you because you always looked pissed off and exhausted and I didn't want to make anything worse, and..."

She trailed off momentarily, her face pink, and she looked away before continuing.

"Eventually, Raja figured out that I was kind of really gay for you, and she gave me your information and stuff, and I pretty much only worked up the courage to look you up online like a month ago, and it took Raja and Raven a whole week of convincing to get me to call you, and..."

Violet trailed off again, and Pearl jumped in, her voice soft with shock and awe.

"You mean... you've been after me for over a month?"

She winced, grimacing.

"I'm sorry, I know how creepy that sounds, um, if you don't want me to model anymore because I totally just weirded you out I absolutely understand-"

Pearl cut her off with a raised hand, and Violet flinched backwards like she was expecting to get hit. The blonde winced internally, doing her best to keep her voice as soft and non-threatening as possible.

"No, no, that isn't creepy at all, I'm just... surprised? I mean, look at you, you're gorgeous, and I'm just a mess, and of course I want to keep working with you, you're the best goddamn model I've ever had!"

As soon as the last words left her mouth, another girl flashed into her mind's eye, giggling and shyly covering herself with her arms even thought it was just the two of them in Pearl's bedroom, so far away and so long ago. She forced the memory from her mind and dug the nails of one hand into her palm, hoping Violet wouldn't notice. 

"I don't hate you, and I do want you to keep modeling for me..."

Pearl's voice was soft, and Violet sighed, visibly relaxing.

"Okay. And I don't hate you for kissing Naomi, either. I know how she can be."

"How she can be..?"

Right as the other girl opened her mouth to answer, Raven's door swung open, surprising them both, and she walked out, her voice loud and singsong-y.

"Now kiss!" 

She laughed at herself, then walked back around and sat on the couch with the two of them.

"There, was that so hard?"

Both Pearl and Violet shook their heads, looking at her with nearly identical expressions of confusion and relief.

"If you had just called each other, this whole thing would've been so much easier."

Raven leaned back against the couch cushion. Pearl stopped digging her nails into her hand so hard, and she started to feel like she could breathe properly for the first time since she had seen Violet sitting on the couch.

"But no, I had to figure out how the hell I was supposed to get the two of you together! Thank god you locked yourself out, Pearl, or I would've had a hell of a time trying to figure something out."

Pearl's face flushed. It had completely slipped her mind that she had locked herself out - and the fact that Raven had mentioned it in front of Violet was pretty damn embarrassing. Shyly, Violet giggled looking at Pearl (whose face flushed darker at the sound).

"You locked yourself out?"

The blonde nodded meekly.

"That's why I was here, Raja let me stay the night. My landlord's a cunt."

Violet nodded in sympathy, all traces of her earlier fear gone from her voice and body. 

"Mine too."

Raven, now grinning, waved her hand at the two of them. 

"Just sit next to each other for god's sake, and don't even try to act like you're not both so gay for each other."

Neither of them moved right away, and Raven sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Or, if you'd prefer, there's a guest room with a lock on the door right over there."

"Rave!"

Violet gasped, then grinned, giggling again, and Pearl couldn't help but smile, her face flushing again at Violet's giggle. Nervously, she scooted a few inches closer to Violet, who looked at her with surprise evident in her expression, then quickly looked away, going a bit pink. Raven watched the whole exchange with raised eyebrows.

"Would smoking help you two relax?"

Pearl nodded almost eagerly, and Violet paused to watch (gauge?) Pearl's reaction before agreeing as well. Raven stood up, walking around the couch towards her room, and paused in her doorway, turning to look at Violet.

"Wait, Vi, have you ever smoked before?"

She paused a moment before responding somewhat timidly.

"No..?"

Raven shrugged, grinning again.

"Oh. Well, there's a first time for everything!"

She disappeared into her room, and Violet looked back at Pearl as if she was going to say something. Their eyes met, and Pearl felt her face go pink again. Neither of them said anything, only holding the other's gaze until Raven emerged from her room, breaking the moment.

"Pearl, you smoke, right?"

The blonde nodded.

"How long have you been smoking?"

"Probably... four years?"

Raven nodded, packing the bowl with practiced fingers. Violet watched her, and Pearl found her eyes drifting to Violet, admiring the way she was focusing on Raven's hands. With a smile, Raven held the bowl out to Pearl, along with a lighter. 

"Thanks."

As she lit it and inhaled the smoke, Pearl noticed Violet watching her attentively. She tried not to think about the fact that Violet's eyes were on her lips, failing in a record time of immediately. Pearl closed her eyes when she exhaled, opening them after a moment to pass the bowl and lighter to Violet. 

"You know what to do?"

Raven looked at Violet, nodding towards the bowl in her hands. She nodded, rolling her eyes.

"You act like I haven't been around you and Raja for ages. I'd feel like an idiot if I didn't."

"Hey, I was just asking!"

Both of them were grinning at each other, and Pearl felt the beginnings of jealousy twist her stomach. She swallowed it back, picking at a hole in her jeans to try and distract herself. When she looked back up, Violet was lifting the bowl to her lips. Raven leaned forward and took her hand with the lighter, showing her how to light the bowl without burning herself. Swallowing thickly again, Pearl looked back down, picking at her jeans with renewed vigor in an attempt to stop thinking about how she wanted to be the one holding Violet's hand and showing her how to smoke. 

Violet's coughing made Pearl look up again, and she couldn't help but smile at the expression on her face. When she could breathe between hacking her lungs out, she choked out a few words, handing Raven the bowl and lighter.

"That fucking burns!"

As Violet stood up and walked into the kitchen, still coughing, Raven and Pearl shared a look, then burst out laughing.

"No shit it burns, what the fuck did you think it felt like?"

Raven called to her, and a slightly miffed-looking Violet walked back into the room, carrying a glass of water.

"I wasn't expecting it to burn that bad."

She sat down again, setting her water on the coffee table, and Raven offered the bowl to Pearl.

"I smoked while you two were talking. You guys can have it."

Pearl took it, smiling at Raven.

"Thanks."

She shrugged as if to say 'don't worry about it', and Pearl took another hit, offering it to Violet, who shook her head.

"I need a couple of minutes to recover."

Her cheeks were pink, and she took another sip of water. Pearl leaned back and curled her legs up underneath her, exhaling slowly. She glanced over at Violet again, noticing she was looking at her.

"How do you hold it in for so long?"

She sounded genuinely curious, and Pearl smiled briefly before taking another hit. Holding the smoke in, she answered Violet.

"Lots of practice."

Violet said nothing, watching the thin stream of smoke that curled up from the bowl. When Pearl finally exhaled, Violet moved closer, holding out her hand.

"I wanna try again."

Pearl handed her the bowl and lighter, and Violet put her lips to the glass. She glanced at Pearl quickly, as if to see if she was looking, both of them ignoring Raven for the moment. Hesitantly, Violet lit the bowl, taking what Pearl could tell was a small hit. She held it for a few seconds before coughing, immediately reaching for her water.

"Don't worry, you get used to it pretty fast."

Raven was grinning at the two of them, eyes shifting between Pearl and Violet, her expression knowing. Violet passed the bowl back, and Pearl took one more hit before handing it back to Raven, who took another hit before declaring it beat. The three of them sat in silence for a moment before Raven stood and walked away without saying anything, the other two looking after her, slightly confused. When she returned, an ashtray in hand, she sat back down, busying herself dumping the ash from the bowl and re-packing it. Violet watched her again, intently focusing on Raven's fingers, and Pearl took the moment to look at her again, admiring the line of her jaw and the curve of her strong cheekbone just above it. 

The room already seemed warmer and closer, and Pearl's mind was starting to clear. Her eyes shifted to Raven, watching her take a hit, and she accepted the bowl with a smile when it was offered to her. As she held it to her lips, Pearl paused, an idea occurring to her, and she lowered it to speak. 

"Hey, Violet?"

"Yeah?"

"Trust me and just... breathe in, okay? You'll know when."

"What?"

Pearl didn't bother answering her, lighting the bowl before her nerves tripped her up. She kept the smoke in her mouth, setting the bowl down and turning to her, and without a second thought, she slipped a hand into the girl's hair and pressed their lips together, pushing the smoke into her mouth. Violet made a soft noise, but as she realized what Pearl was doing, the blonde felt her relax into her touch and breathe in, her lips parting more. After a few seconds, Pearl pulled away, breathing out what was left of the smoke. Violet's eyes stayed closed, and after a moment, she breathed out a surprising amount of smoke and looked at Pearl, only coughing once. 

"...Wow."

Violet's face was flushed, and Pearl grinned at her.

"See, you two should've worked things out sooner! This is what you're missing out on!"

Both girls turned to Raven, Pearl's cheeks going pink at her words. She raised her eyebrows at the two of them, then stood up.

"I should get going. I promised Juju I'd stay at her place tonight."

Violet stood as well, and by reflex, so did Pearl. Raven waved a hand at them, grinning again.

"You two can stay, finish the bag."

She indicated what was sitting on the table, and from what Pearl could see, it looked like another bowl pack or so.

"Are you sure?"

Violet's voice was soft, and Raven nodded.

"Positive."

Pearl looked away, suddenly nervous. Violet sat down, but she couldn't bring herself to. She suddenly felt like an intruder, somewhere she wasn't supposed to be, and the idea of being alone with Violet both excited and terrified her.

"Um, I should probably get going, I need to call my landlord, and..."

She trailed off as Raven fixed her with a glare that screamed don't you dare fuck this up, and slowly, she sat back down, chewing on her lip again. Raven stood there for another few seconds, looking at both her and Violet, then turned and walked into her room, re-emerging after a few seconds. As she walked through the doorway to the kitchen, she paused, turning to look back at them.

"Oh, and Raja won't be back for another few hours."

With that, she was gone, and neither Pearl nor Violet moved or said anything until the front door had shut behind her.

"I want to do that again."

Violet's voice was nearly a whisper, but she didn't sound afraid. If anything, she sounded a little dazed, and Pearl realized she probably didn't have a tolerance anywhere near hers. 

"Do what?"

"That kiss thing."

Pearl let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding and reached for the bowl.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She opened her eyes, afraid of what she might see, but Violet's small smile comforted her. Neither of them said anything, but the way Violet shifted closer and touched a hand to Pearl's knee spoke volumes more than anything she could ever say.

Violet was smiling, her head in Pearl's lap and her eyes closed. Pearl was running her fingers through Violet's hair, looking down at her with a matching smile on her face. The afternoon sun washed the room in a gentle light, and it was just warm enough that Pearl could almost close her eyes and fall asleep.

 

"Pearl?"

 

Her voice was soft, and Pearl looked down to find Violet looking up at her.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Have I told you you're really pretty?"

 

Pearl smiled, brushing her bangs back from Violet's head.

 

"About four times now."

 

"Well you are!"

 

Violet pushed herself upright, turning to face Pearl with rosy cheeks. She looked at Pearl for a moment, saying nothing, and the blonde felt her face flush. Then, her eyes dropped to Pearl's lips, and her heart skipped a beat. For half a second, the world hung in perfect stillness, then Violet leaned in to kiss her. Pearl's eyes slipped shut without her meaning to, and in the same heartbeat, her hand moved to touch Violet's, sitting on the couch between them. Her lips were soft, so soft against Pearl's, and she couldn't help but think about how _right_ it felt.

 

All too soon, Violet was pulling away, her soft exhalation warm on Pearl's skin. She opened her eyes, afraid of what she might see, but Violet's small smile comforted her. Neither of them said anything, but the way Violet shifted closer and touched a hand to Pearl's knee spoke volumes more than anything she could ever say. Their lips met again, slow and soft and gentle; it was everything Pearl wasn't used to and everything she didn't know she needed until right then and there. The moment stretched on forever, and it almost startled her when Violet's hand moved from her leg to her cheek. She mirrored the gesture, except her hand slid into Violet's hair and kept her there, against Pearl's lips - she could've sworn she felt Violet smile as Pearl's other hand grazed her shoulder.

 

The door banged open, startling the pair apart. Pearl froze in fear, years-old terror coursing through her, her fear of being caught rearing its ugly head in her chest. The sound of someone stumbling and a mumbled curse preceded a soft laugh that cut off suddenly, then two people stumbled into view in the kitchen, one pushing the other into the wall, connected at the lips. Pearl recognized them immediately - Raja and Manila. It was clear they weren't expecting anyone to be home, if the soft noises Raja was making was any indication. Pearl glanced at Violet - she seemed unshaken, a little smile still gracing her face, and she cleared her throat softly.

 

Raja and Manila pulled apart quickly, the shorter of the two immediately going bright red.

 

"Pearl. Violet. Hi."

 

Raja half-stammered, pushing herself off the wall and running a hand through her hair. Manila straightened her shirt and tucked a loose blonde strand behind her ear, looking more than a little surprised.

 

"Pearl?"

 

Sheepish and feeling like an unwelcome intruder, Pearl stared at the two of them.

 

"I, um, locked myself out yesterday, and-"

 

"We were just leaving."

 

Violet cut Pearl off with a smile, taking her hand and standing up. She stood as well, a little bewildered.

 

"You don't have to!"

 

Raja protested, trying to discreetly re-button her pants.

 

"No, it's fine, we really _were_ just leaving."

 

Violet pulled Pearl along behind her, and she barely managed to grab her phone off the coffee table before she was being moved through the kitchen doorway and past Raja and Manila.

 

"I'm so sorry," Raja muttered as they passed, obviously incredibly embarrassed, "Raven said you had left already."

 

"It's fine, Raja, really. I'll see you Wednesday, okay?"

 

"Yeah. Wednesday."

 

Violet nodded, then turned to the door. She bent down, putting on her shoes quickly, and Pearl realized hers were still back in the guest room. Without a word, she slipped past Raja and Manila (who were standing there awkwardly, sharing a look) and nearly ran into the room, jamming her feet into her shoes and walking as quickly as humanly possible back to Violet. Neither of them said anything until they were out the door and into the elevator, the doors closing with a soft _ding_.

 

"That was... awkward."

 

She looked at Violet, fidgeting with them hem of her shirt. Violet giggled, lacing her fingers into Pearl's.

 

"I'm used to it."

 

"Are they dating?"

 

Violet shot her a sideways look, raising her eyebrows a bit.

 

"They have been for like three years."

 

"Oh."

 

Pearl cleared her throat, her face going pink. She should've known that - she worked with Raja and Manila once a week. To be fair she'd never really talked to either of them before, but saying that would just make her seem like an asshole. The elevator's doors slid open at the ground floor, and the two of them stepped out.

 

"I should really call my landlord, I need to get her to let me in, and-"

 

Violet cut her off with a kiss, pulling her closer with an arm looped around Pearl's waist. She melted into the taller girl, eyes automatically falling shut. When Violet pulled away, Pearl found herself wanting to kiss her again, to push her against the wall much like Manila had to Raja, full of heat and want.

 

"You can stay at my place tonight."

 

The implications of what she was suggesting were clear, and Pearl's voice was only the tiniest bit breathless when she responded.

 

"Okay."

 

"It's not far."

 

With a smile, Violet lead Pearl out of the building, their hands still clasped tightly together. She was right, the walk was short; only a few blocks later, Violet slowed to a stop in front of a building, where a doorman stood. Violet greeted him with a smile, and Pearl tried not to gawk at the fact that she had a _doorman_. He nodded and opened the door with a small wave, and the cool air of the building washed over the two of them as they stepped inside, a welcome change from the stuffy city air outside. Violet lead her across the building's lobby, which was noticeably much nicer than that of Pearl or Raja's buildings. The doors of the elevator slid shut behind them quietly, and the silence stretched on, Pearl trying to act like she wasn't thinking about kissing Violet again.

 

 _Keep it together_ , she told herself, _don't be fucking creepy_. _She offered you a place to stay so you don't have to deal with your landlord, that doesn't mean anything._

 

The doors slid open, and Violet stepped out, Pearl right beside her. The hallway was only a few feet long, and a single door sat at the end - Violet must have the entire floor to herself. Neither of them said anything as Violet unlocked the door one-handed, still firmly holding Pearl's hand. She pushed the door open, and the apartment beyond it confirmed what Pearl had been thinking.

 

Violet was rich.

 

Not the type of rich where you live in a sprawling mansion in the hills of Hollywood and own a private jet to fly you wherever you want to go, but rich enough to own a penthouse apartment in the heart of downtown New York. It was the type of apartment you'd see in TV shows about middle-aged, single women trying to find modern love between shopping sprees in name-brand stores and nights at exclusive, guest-list-only clubs - disgustingly modern, chic, and _gorgeous_.

 

Pearl trailed after Violet, unable to stop herself from looking around at her apartment in awe as they walked in. She had the presence of mind to shut the door behind herself, and as the lock clicked into place, Violet let go of Pearl's hand. She slipped off her shoes, and Pearl did the same, quickly realizing that her beat-up sneakers were incredibly out of place next to the two pairs of expensive-looking shoes that were already sitting there.

 

"Can I get you something to drink?"

 

Violet's offer was soft, and Pearl nodded.

 

"That would be nice, yeah."

 

She turned away, walking into the kitchen, and Pearl followed her like a lost puppy, looking around at Violet's apartment as she went. It was beautifully modern; everything was greyscale, from the light grey walls to the black leather couches and the chrome appliances.

 

"I would offer you wine, but I think both of our tastes are a little harder."

 

Pearl grinned.

 

"You'd be right about that."

 

"Well, I'm not a bartender, so I can't offer you a fancy cocktail or anything, but I have a bottle of Jack Daniels if you're fine with that."

 

"I'm used to straight vodka, I don't mind."

 

Violet laughed, pulling open a cabinet.

 

"A woman after my own heart."

 

She pulled the bottle of liquor out of the cabinet and set it on a counter, humming to herself and opening another cabinet, taking out two glasses. Pearl watch her idly, leaning against the wall. As Violet poured two glasses nearly full, Pearl thought to herself how strange it was that, in the matter of a day, she'd gone from being terrified at the thought of Violet to spending a night at her apartment. The wonders of weed and a kiss.

 

"Here, we can go sit if you'd like."

 

Pearl nodded, and Violet handed her a glass, then walked past her to sit on an expensive-looking leather couch. A little intimidated by the flawless upholstery (her own couch was covered in more than a few burn marks and paint splatters), Pearl sat down next to her, curling her legs up underneath her almost daintily.

 

"What do you listen to?" Violet asked her, taking a rather long sip, "Like, music wise?"

 

"Um, mostly whatever decides to come on Pandora? I'm not picky."

 

"That's helpful."

 

Violet was grinning at her, and Pearl drowned her sudden wave of anxiety with alcohol. As usual.

 

"No, seriously! I don't really care."

 

The whiskey burned its way down the back of her throat as Pearl chased her words with what was probably a shot's worth of alcohol. Violet unlocked her phone and looked at it for a moment, giving Pearl the opportunity to further drown her anxiety.

 

"So, you don't mind if I just play some of my music?"

 

"Not at all."

 

Pearl emptied her glass and set it on the table as a familiar song filled the room.

 

"Kylie Minogue? Really?"

 

Violet's smile quickly disappeared and she unlocked her phone quickly.

 

"Do you want me to change it?"

 

"No! No, it's fine, I just- I expected you to like, I dunno, _not_ Kylie Minogue?"

 

Immediately after the words left her mouth, Pearl found herself wanting to pour herself another glass and down the entire thing. Violet gave her an incredulous look for a few seconds before breaking into a grin.

 

"What'd you think I listened to, _Frank Sinatra_? C'mon, give me _some_ credit. I'm a modern girl!"

 

She must've caught Pearl's eyes drifting to the bottle sitting on the table in front of them, because she tipped back the rest of her glass and refilled both of them.

 

"Thanks," Pearl mumbled as Violet handed her the now-full glass, and both of them raised the glasses to their lips. Violet only took a sip, but Pearl downed the whole thing in one go, closing her eyes against the burn.

 

"You do this a lot."

 

Pearl set the glass down, opening her eyes to find Violet looking at her with a weird expression - that same strange, unreadable one that drew Pearl in the first time they had met. She shrugged, putting her glass down on the table, this time picking up the half-empty bottle and refilling her glass on her own.

 

"I don't like thinking."

 

Violet didn't say anything, and Pearl downed half of her glass as Kylie Minogue's voice filled the awkward gap in conversation. She could feel herself already getting pleasantly tipsy, but for some reason, the little knot of worry in her stomach refused to go away. If anything, as Violet shifted closer to her, it grew bigger. She finished her glass after a moment, Violet only taking another small sip. At this rate, she'd be drunk right before Violet was even tipsy - which, all things considered, was exactly what Pearl needed. She hadn't gotten properly drunk since she went to Violet's bar; going out had been nearly nerve-wracking since then.

 

She finished her glass and immediately poured herself another.

 

"Am I that intolerable when you're sober?"

 

Violet's tone was joking, and she was grinning, but it only made Pearl feel worse.

 

"I, um..."

 

"Hey, relax. I was just teasing you."

 

She touched Pearl's shoulder lightly, looking at her with that strange, undecipherable expression. Pearl was holding her glass so tightly her hand was shaking - she only realized when Violet's eyes flickered down. Quickly, she put the glass on the table next to the bottle that she could've sworn was fuller a few seconds ago.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"I'm fine."

 

Her answer was automatic, practiced, but Violet's eyes told Pearl that she wasn't buying it.

 

"No, really, I'm fine."

 

Violet said nothing, only putting her glass on the coffee table. Pearl swallowed another wave of nerves, debating picking up her full glass and downing the entire thing, even though she could tell she was already close to being drunk. It took her another two seconds of Violet's silence before she did just that, putting the empty glass back down and coughing once.

 

"Pearl."

 

She looked up, the world spinning just a little bit, just in time to see Violet leaning towards her, then they were kissing. Her lips somehow felt better than before, soft and warm against Pearl's, and as the kiss wore on, second after precious second, Pearl found herself relaxing against her. When Violet pulled away, eyes finding where her lips had just left, Pearl felt her face heat up. Violet's eyes danced up her face to her eyes, and the little smile playing across her face made Pearl want to kiss her again.

 

"Stop thinking so much."

 

"I might need the rest of the bottle to do that."

 

The way her tongue stumbled over the words told Pearl she might be a little more drunk than she thought. It made sense, though - she _had_ downed four glasses of Jack Daniels. Having said that, Pearl found herself leaning forward, reaching for the bottle, but Violet caught her wrist with a soft _tsk_.

 

"You've had more than enough to drink."

 

A nervous chuckle bubbled up from Pearl's chest, and her eyes not-so-subtly rested on Violet's bright red lips again. She leaned forward, and this time Pearl met her halfway, her free hand tangling into Violet's hair. Confidence started to creep its way into her chest, and Violet dropped her wrist, moving instead to cup her jaw.

 

The song faded out and was quickly replaced by another, that Pearl immediately recognized. She smiled against Violet's lips, and the other girl pulled away. Pearl whispered the first few words to the song, and Violet grinned.

 

"You know the song?"

 

She didn't wait for a response, instead taking Pearl's hands and standing up, pulling her up as well. Stumbling, Pearl managed to catch herself before she tripped over either her own feet or the coffee table, but she ended up crashing into Violet's arms with a breathy giggle. Okay, maybe she was a _lot_ more drunk than she had originally thought. Her head was muddled, but somehow she kept her balance as Violet spun her in a slow circle, arms around her waist. Pearl's arms automatically went to Violet's neck, and the beat of the song seemed to fill her body as the two of them moved together. She closed her eyes, an easy smile on her face, and let Violet lead her.

 

She only opened her eyes as the song ended, Kylie's voice fading out on a breathy note. The room was dim around them, the light a gentle red. Suddenly confused, Pearl pulled back from Violet, turning to where the windows were.

 

"Blackout blinds?"

 

Her words came out mixed with a laugh, and Violet's giggle made her a little weak in the knees.

 

"You have fucking _blackout blinds_? Where did they even _come from_?"

 

"You would've realized I walked you over to the switch if your eyes had been open," Violet said, grinning at Pearl's drunkenness, "and of course I do. I told you, I'm a modern girl."

 

With that, Pearl leaned in and kissed her again, pressing herself to Violet. Her arms tightened around Pearl's waist, and after a moment, she pulled away, taking her hand again and leading her to a door. She opened it, and Pearl's breath froze in her throat. Her bedroom. Anxiety spiked in Pearl's chest, but she pushed it away, moving to kiss Violet. The music was loud, swirling around them, and Pearl let Violet move her back as they kissed, the darkness of the room making it easier for her to relax.

 

"Lay down," Violet whispered against her lips, soft and breathy, but Pearl could hear her perfectly through the music.

 

The bed was soft to the touch; the cool sheets felt like heaven against her skin, and Pearl somehow managed to clamber on without too much hassle. She was nervously giggling again, she realized as she sank back into the pillows, her eyes half-open. With feline grace, Violet straddled her hips, leaning down to kiss Pearl's forehead. Hesitantly, she reached up and touched her cheek, a whisper falling from between her lips.

 

"Violet-"

 

"Shh," the other girl breathed in response, leaning down to silence Pearl with a soft kiss, "Stop thinking."

 

Pearl kissed her again, fingers tracing down Violet's sides and coming to rest on her hips. Her skirt was riding up; Pearl ran the tips of her fingers down her thighs and the little shiver she got in response prompted her to kiss Violet harder. Their kiss changed from slow and soft to heated, almost _needy_ , and Pearl remembered why she spent so many nights getting drunk in a bar. It was for this moment, for feeling so disconnected from the world but hot and close whoever she chose to take home - except this was Violet, and her lips felt so _right_ against Pearl's in a way that she was too drunk to begin to understand.

 

Violet's lips trailed down her jaw, then her neck, and before Pearl could pull her back up into another kiss, she was moving down her body, stopping between Pearl's legs. On reflex, she parted them, and all it took was Violet hooking a finger into her waistband for Pearl to lift her hips with a soft noise, watching Violet pull off her pants and panties, all at once. Her eyes slipped shut as she scattered kisses across her thighs, and she quickly fell apart under Violet's ministrations. Everything was a blur; her nerves were on fire, she knotted her fingers into Violet's hair and gasped her name, and the world seemed to fade in and out with pulses of white-hot pleasure. Her toes curled, her back arched, and the only thing she could keep hold of was Violet's name. She turned it into an obscenity, a prayer, and right as Pearl couldn't find any more air in her lungs to cry out with, Violet was wrapping her in gentle arms and tucking a soft sheet over her.

 

\---

 

Pearl woke up to a pounding headache and an empty bed. For half a second, she was disoriented - the world spun around her when she sat up a bit too fast - but she took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes, waiting until her head had stopped spinning to try and stand up. Her body protested, muscles complaining, and Pearl cursed softly at her headache. She'd have to ask Violet for Tylenol or something.

 

Violet.

 

Just thinking about her brought back a wave of fuzzy memories of the night before. She remembered dancing, she remembered kissing her in a dark room, and she remembered-

 

Her face went red.

 

Lifting up the blanket confirmed her suspicions that her pants (and panties) were MIA. She climbed out of the bed, looking around the room to find them neatly folded on a chair nearby. Trying to ignore her headache, Pearl pulled them on, then walked slowly out of Violet's bedroom, squinting against the bright light coming from the windows. Violet was sitting on the couch, and hearing Pearl open the door, she stood up, hurrying over.

 

_How the fuck does she make sweatpants and a baggy shirt look that good?_

 

"Morning!"

 

Violet hugged Pearl, her voice cheerful, and she pecked her forehead. Pearl's face flushed - she wasn't used to someone being this friendly to her, especially the morning after.

 

"Can I get you anything?"

 

"Tylenol would be great."

 

She nodded, taking Pearl's hand and walking her over to the couch. She sat down, and Violet walked away. Pearl picked up her phone from where it was sitting on the coffee table and turned it on, blinking in surprise at the time - 7:30. That was a solid hour earlier than she'd woken up in the past few months, and several hours than she'd wake up normally if she didn't have to do anything. Shrugging to herself, she unlocked her phone, finding a text from Raja.

 

_RAJA: i'm so sorry about yesterday. hope you made it home alright!_

 

Violet walked back over to Pearl, and she set her phone down, deciding that texting Raja could wait.

 

"Here, I can get you water."

 

Pearl took the pills from her and smiled, grateful for her kindness, and Violet crossed the room to the kitchen, filling a glass of water before walking back and sitting next to Pearl, handing her the water. She took the pills quickly, downing the glass with them, then set it on the coffee table.

 

"What time did I pass out last night?"

 

Violet snorted, grinning.

 

"You were out cold by five."

 

Pearl stared at her for a moment, startled.

 

"I would've woken you up to eat dinner but you were _really_ drunk."

 

"Yeah, no shit."

 

Violet pulled Pearl to her side gently, hugging her. She enjoyed the other girl's warmth for a moment before pulling away.

 

"I really should call my landlord, and-"

 

She was cut off abruptly by Violet's lips on hers.

 

"Relax," she whispered, pulling away, "you should have something to eat first."

 

"Oh. Right. I probably should."

 

Violet giggled, kissing her nose quickly before standing up.

 

"I can make pancakes!"

 

Pearl watched Violet walk into the kitchen, smiling to herself.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All five of the girls were sitting on metal folding chairs arranged in a rough semicircle, and Violet motioned towards the two empty chairs. Feeling slightly like an idiot, Pearl sat down with her, Violet lacing their fingers together as they sat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter starts a short series of shorter chapters (most, if not all, will be somewhere between 1-2k as opposed to the usual 3-4k) that follow the progression of Pearl and Violet's relationship! they'll all be in linear order, but there's a different amount of time between each one - unlike the previous chapters, though, the gaps are much longer than they have been before. each time progression should be stated within the chapter itself!

"Do I look okay?"

 

Pearl smoothed her skirt, looking at Violet questioningly. It wasn't anything special - a tight white crop top and a baby pink skirt that clung to her body - but she was nervous anyways.

 

"You look gorgeous."

 

Violet stood up, stepping forward and taking Pearl's hands.

 

"Stop worrying so much," she said softly, kissing the blonde's forehead, "you'll be fine."

 

"I just don't want to make a bad impression."

 

It was Friday, the night of Violet's biggest performance of the week. She had said it was when the most people were there, and the most dancers performed. It had taken almost three weeks of convincing for Violet to finally get Pearl to go - she wasn't sure if she was more intimidated by the fact that Naomi could be there or that it was just an unfamiliar place.

 

"You won't, I promise. They want to meet you!"

 

"You've talked about me?"

 

"Only a little," Violet laughed, kissing her forehead again, "I haven't told them anything other than that I'm seeing someone."

 

Pearl sighed softly, wrapping her arms around Violet's waist.

 

"I'm still nervous."

 

They separated, and Pearl turned, picking up her phone from where it was sitting on her dresser. Violet's arms slid around her waist, lips finding her neck.

 

"We have a ride coming in ten minutes."

 

Her voice was soft, and Pearl leaned her head back against Violet's shoulder. She put her phone down and closed her eyes, settling back into the warmth of Violet's body behind her.

 

"How many girls did you say were gonna be there?"

 

"Five, not including me."

 

"Shit... that's, um, a lot of hot girls to have in one room," Pearl mumbled nervously, pulling out of Violet's arms and turning to her.

 

"You'll be _fin_ e _._ And anyways, if anyone tries anything, just tell them you're mine."

 

Violet's words made her heart skip a beat, and Pearl's cheeks went pink. She swallowed thickly, trying to quell her anxiety.

 

"Mind if I smoke before we go?"

 

The dark-haired girl shook her head, and Pearl went about packing a bowl and sitting in the chair by the window, and by the time she was done smoking it, it was almost time for them to go. They took the stairs down to the lobby, and Pearl's heart skipped a beat when Violet took her hand.

 

"I'm never gonna get used to this," Pearl muttered to herself as they climbed into the waiting car, still holding Violet's hand.

 

"Get used to what?"

 

"You being _nice_ and shit."

 

"What, do you normally date assholes?"

 

"I don't normally _date_ anyone. It's usually more of a one-night thing."

 

Violet paused for a second, looking at Pearl with a coy smile.

 

"Well, I'm glad I'm the exception, then."

 

Pearl sighed softly, leaning over to kiss Violet's cheek.

 

"Me too."

 

\---

 

The club was loud, and Pearl felt some of the tension melt off her shoulders as she and Violet made their way through the crowd. At least it was a familiar place - the dim light gave Pearl some sense of security; she was at home in this type of place. But, as the two made their way towards the back, to a door that surely lead to the group of girls that were performing, her anxiety started ramping back up. She squeezed Violet's hand a few feet away from the door, pulling her to a stop, then looping her arms around her neck to put her lips by the dark-haired girl's ear.

 

"I don't know if I can do this," she whispered, trying not to let on how nervous she really was, "maybe I should just stay out here, get something to drink..."

 

Violet pressed a kiss to her cheek, pulling her closer by the waist, so their bodies were pressed together. She was swaying softly to the music, and Pearl knew there was a smile on her face just from the way her voice sounded.

 

"You'll be fine, I promise," she said softly, a hand running up her back, soothing her, "If you really need to, you can leave after you say hello. I just promised the girls they'd get to meet you."

 

"Okay..." she whispered back, the word hardly audible amid the loud music.

 

Violet stepped back, smiling at her, one of her hands finding Pearl's and knitting their fingers together. They stood there, looking at each other, for a moment, before Violet motioned towards the door. Pearl nodded, taking a deep breath. With a smile and a nod to the man standing next to the door, who Pearl assumed worked for security, Violet opened the door and stepped into a narrow, gently-lit hallway. The door shut behind the pair as Violet lead the way down the hallway, stopping before a plain, unmarked door on the right.

 

"Stay here for a minute, okay?"

 

Pearl nodded, and Violet kissed her cheek before letting go of her hand and opening the door, walking into the room. She was met with a chorus of greetings from what Pearl could tell was several people. Then, the door swung shut, and Pearl was left in the hallway, listening to the muffled music and the only-barely-audible laughter coming from inside the room. She leaned back against the wall, trying not to let her nerves get the best of her - the gentle vibrations of the bass through the wall was at least a little relaxing. It wasn't long before the door opened again, and as soon as Violet stuck her head back into the hallway, grinning at Pearl, she couldn't help but smile back as she was pulled into the crowded room.

 

"This is Pearl," she proclaimed over the cheering of the other five girls in the room.

 

A chorus of greetings filled the tiny, cluttered room, and Violet wrapped around her waist, squeezing softly. She looked around at the girls, who were now looking expectantly at her and Violet, and immediately recognized two of them from the last time she had been here - Fame and Laila. All five of them had perfectly-done makeup, and all of them were _gorgeous_. Pearl swallowed thickly, not sure what to say.

 

"She's _pretty_ , Vies, where'd you find her?"

 

The comment came from one of the girls Pearl didn't know - she had long, artificially-red hair, curled haphazardly, and her makeup was all dark oranges, reds, and black.

 

"Yeah, where _did_ you find her?"

 

Fame spoke this time, but it didn't hold the same almost catcalling-type edge that the other girl's comment did.

 

"Oh, y'know," Violet said coyly, pulling Pearl close by the waist, "I have my ways."

 

All four girls started talking at once, and Violet immediately held up a hand, talking over them.

 

"Whoa, whoa, guys, hey! Introduce yourselves first, _then_ you can interrogate my girlfriend."

 

_Girlfriend_. The word made heat rise in her cheeks, and Pearl looked at the ground, unable to stop the smile from spreading across her face.

 

"Aw, she's all embarrassed!"

 

All five of the girls were sitting on metal folding chairs arranged in a rough semicircle, and Violet motioned towards the two empty chairs. Feeling slightly like an idiot, Pearl sat down with her, Violet lacing their fingers together as they sat.

 

"I'm Fame."

 

She held out her hand almost daintily, and Pearl shook it meekly, offering a small smile.

 

"I saw you and Laila perform," she said softly, and Fame smiled at her, nodding.

 

Laila looked up from her phone and waved briefly, smiling, before looking back down.

 

"I'm Adore!"

 

The red-haired girl stuck her hand up in the air, grinning widely.

 

"I'm April," said the blonde next to her in a heavy Puerto Rican accent, also grinning.

 

"Carmen! Nice to meet you!"

 

Carmen stuck out her hand, and Pearl shook it quickly, trying not to seem as nervous as she really was. All five of the girls were dressed and made-up differently - Fame's style seemed to call back old Hollywood glamour, Laila was goth-y and punk-ish (but somehow still as elegant and pretty as Fame), April was simply dressed in a red dress with straight hair and simple makeup, and Carmen looked like she had just walked off a runway, with softly waved hair and gorgeous makeup, clad in only a matching bra and panty set. Adore was the only one that stuck out, with her messy hair, Misfits tank top, ripped jean shorts, fishnets, and leather boots.

 

"Nice to meet you guys."

 

Despite how hard she was trying to sound casual, she still sounded nervous, and Pearl cursed herself for it internally.

 

"Do you all dance?"

 

All of them nodded except Adore, who shook her head.

 

"I sing and shit."

 

Pearl nodded, silently wondering what type of music she sang. She'd find out during the show, she assumed, and decided not to ask.

 

"So, Pearl, what do you do?"

 

Carmen was looking at her with genuine curiosity, a smile on her face. Pearl let out a slow breath and relaxed slightly, loosening her vice-grip on Violet's hand.

 

"I'm an artist. Mostly a painter."

 

"Are you more of a Monet kinda girl or Matisse?"

 

Adore cut in, pushing her hair back from her face. Pearl's smile widened at Adore's knowledge of painters - she loved talking about art, no matter with who.

 

"Well, mostly portraits."

 

"That's how we met!"

 

Violet squeezed her hand softly, and Pearl nodded, going along with it.

 

"She modeled for me."

 

"Aww! How long have you two been together?"

 

Carmen was grinning now, and all five looked to the pair expectantly, Violet leaned over and kissed Pearl's cheek before answering.

 

"Two weeks."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The room was lit only by the soft overhead lights - the city outside was dusky; still awake, but the sound only served as background noise as Violet broke the kiss and stepped away from Pearl to dim the lights. When she turned back, hands finding her waist again, Pearl's cheeks flushed pink at the look in her eyes.

The door clicked open, and Pearl glanced up into the mirror to find Violet slipping into the steam-filled bathroom. She shut the door behind herself, and Pearl turned to her, smiling. Violet smiled back at the her, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around Pearl's waist. She hummed softly, closing her eyes and kissing Violet's nose, pressing their foreheads together for a moment. Violet moved back to look at her, tucking a damp strand of hair behind her ear, her fingers tracing Pearl's jaw. Neither of them said anything, just looking at each other, smiling - words weren't needed. The only sounds in the room were the soft hum of the fan and the muffled city noises from outside the window.

 

After a moment, Violet closed the gap between them, kissing Pearl softly. Pearl pressed herself closer to Violet, one of her hands sliding into her hair and the other dropping to her waist. The room was lit only by the soft overhead lights - the city outside was dusky; still awake, but the sound only served as background noise as Violet broke the kiss and stepped away from Pearl to dim the lights. When she turned back, hands finding her waist again, Pearl's cheeks flushed pink at the look in her eyes.

 

"Mood lighting," Violet explained softly, her lips finding the blonde's still-damp neck and pressing a kiss to her skin, and Pearl smiled.

 

When Violet trailed a line of kisses down her neck and collarbone, Pearl closed her eyes, making a soft, appreciative noise and tilting her head back. One of Violet's hands traced up her side, fingers dancing across her chest to where Pearl's towel was tucked into itself, loosening it. Pearl reached up to stop her, a gentle hand holding her towel up.

 

"We have to leave soon," Pearl reminded her softly, kissing her forehead.

 

"We have enough time," she replied, kissing Pearl's throat and touching the hand holding her towel as if to ask for permission.

 

"Vi..."

 

"Please?"

 

Her voice was soft, almost pleading, and Pearl couldn't help but smile, hooking a gentle finger under her chin and tilting her head up so she could kiss her nose again.

 

"Later. We promised Raja we'd be there by ten, remember?"

 

"It's only eight-thirty!"

 

"We still have to get ready."

 

Violet sighed, kissing Pearl's cheek.

 

"It won't take an hour and a half to get ready."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Positive," Violet murmured, dipping her head to kiss the base of Pearl's throat.

 

"We can't be late again..."

 

Her voice was more breathy than a moment ago, and Violet smiled as she pressed another soft line of kisses along Pearl's collarbone.

 

"We won't be. Promise."

 

When Violet kissed her way back up to Pearl's lips, she caught the blonde in another firm kiss, her message clear. _I want you_ , said the way Pearl kissed her, said the way her fingers curled just a little bit more tightly into Violet's hair. The answer was just as clear in the way Violet hummed against her lips softly, in the way she broke the kiss to trail her lips up Pearl's jaw and whisper to her, voice as rich and alluring as the first time they spoke on the phone.

 

"Lay down," she breathed, fingers dancing up her sides and over her chest, urging Pearl down to the soft mat on the ground.

 

The towel stayed on as she laid down, wrapped and twisted over her chest, but Violet made quick work of undoing it and exposing Pearl's body. She could only smile as Violet looked down at her with pure adoration in her eyes.

 

"I love you," Pearl whispered, cupping Violet's cheek with one hand, the other finding her waist.

 

"I love you too," Violet whispered back, only a moment before their lips met again, just as soft and slow as before.

 

Violet trailed kisses down her jaw again, following the curve of her throat, dipping down to line her collarbone before making her way back up and kissing her on the lips again, Pearl's fingers in her hair. The world faded away; all that mattered was the two of them, pressed together in the steamy bathroom. Pearl's skin was still damp from the shower, and her hair stuck to her forehead. When Violet pulled back to look at the blonde underneath her, she smiled and smoothed her hair back, away from her face. All it took was a soft exhalation of her name to bring her back down to Pearl's lips, her fingers tracing down her jaw and holding her into the kiss gently. Pearl arched up against her, the cool air on her skin making her shiver. Violet's lips left hers before long, scattering kisses on the other side of her neck, all the way down to her collarbone, taking her sweet time.

 

"I love you," she whispered into her skin, voice as soft as silk, "so, so much."

 

"I love you too," came the gentle response, and Pearl closed her eyes, relishing in the feeling of Violet's skin on hers, her lips following the curve of her collarbone back to her throat.

 

Violet's fingers trailed after her lips, skating down Pearl's body as she kissed a line down the center of her chest, her stomach, only to stop right below her navel, positioning herself effortlessly between her legs. Pearl's hands found purchase in her hair, tangling gently in the soft strands.

 

"You're so gorgeous," Violet murmured against her skin, dark eyes sparkling with adoration as she looked up at Pearl.

 

Her hands slid up Pearl's sides slowly, making her shiver, then back down, and Violet kissed across to one hip, then down her thigh, tracing the invisible heat she left behind with her fingertips. Eyes closed and a tiny smile on her face, Violet reached Pearl's inner knee, then switched to her other leg, following the mirror path backwards to her other hip slowly, taking her time to cover every inch of Pearl's soft skin in kisses.

 

"Vi," Pearl breathed, looking down at her with a smile and pink cheeks.

 

"Right, hurrying. Sorry."

 

Her answer was just as soft as Pearl's gentle reminder, a hint of laughter behind it. She wasted no time in kissing down to her inner thigh again, hovering there only a moment before kissing her way to Pearl's core, making her gasp. It was easy to get Pearl to squirm, and Violet did just that, teasing her until her breath was coming quickly and little noises were slipping from between her lips.

 

" _Vi_ ," she whispered, tugging softly on her hair, "please-"

 

Pearl's voice was shaky, her thighs trembling around Violet's head, and her girlfriend's featherlight teases were driving her crazy. She needed _more_ \- she tugged just a bit harder on Violet's hair, rocking her hips up, and it earned her a soft groan and lips closing over her clit, making her arch her back with a soft cry. It didn't take long for Violet to work her up until she was moaning, eyes pressed shut and fingers curled tightly into Violet's hair.

 

"Fuck, _Violet_ , god, I love you-"

 

She was rambling, words spilling from her lips without a filter, declarations of love interspaced with gasps and moans, pleas for _more_ and _oh god yes_ , _don't stop_ , shivers racing up her spine and red-hot pressure curling around her gut. Violet's mouth was heaven; expertly talented at making Pearl absolutely fall apart under her ministrations. She pressed a finger into her slowly, and Pearl could only let out a single warbling moan of Violet's name, her toes curling as Violet worked her closer and closer to the edge. A broken, hoarse whisper was all Pearl could manage to tell Violet she was close, and the fragmented words had hardly left her lips before she was coming, crying Violet's name over and over like it was the only thing she knew how to do, her thighs tensing around Violet's head. Her entire body was trembling, and when she came down, Pearl could hardly catch her breath, soft noises finding their way out on each exhalation. Violet kissed up her stomach slowly, retracing her earlier steps back up her chest, collarbone, and neck, finally reaching her lips, again effortlessly straddling her. Pearl kissed her back slowly, one hand cupping her jaw and one hand finding its way to her waist, tiny aftershocks still pulsing through her body.

 

"I love you," Violet said softly, pulling back far enough to smile down at Pearl.

 

"I love you too," she replied, smiling with a half-lidded eyes, filled with a soft, lazy warmth.

 

Violet leaned down to kiss her again, lingering there for a moment before pulling away again. Pearl pushed herself up onto her elbows, eyes shining, her smile radiant.

 

"You know, there are really nice acoustics in here," Violet said, her smile twisting into a mischievous grin, "we should do this more often."

 

Pearl's cheeks flushed pink, but she just rolled her eyes and pecked Violet's nose.

 

"You're obscene."

 

"What do I do for a living, again?"

 

She snorted, rolling her eyes again.

 

"Doesn't change anything, Vi. Are you gonna get off me so I can return the favor before we have to leave?"

 

Violet sat back on her heels, still straddling her, making a face like she was thinking for a moment before her impish grin was back.

 

"I thought you said we needed to be getting ready?"

 

"Mmh, and you said we had enough time."

 

"After," she said, leaning forward to capture Pearl's lips in a brief kiss.

 

"Tease," she muttered, as Violet slid off her lap and stood up, helping her up as well.

 

Smirking and looking at Pearl from under her lashes in the most bedroom-eyes way, Violet blew her a kiss.

 

"You know me _so_ well."

 

With a soft sigh, Pearl bent to pick up her towel, once again wrapping it around herself.

 

"We should get ready, shouldn't we? Raja's gonna kill us if we're late again."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl stuck her knee out, pushing it against the glass of the window next to her in an attempt to keep herself upright and not spill her coffee everywhere. Violet's arm was looped around her waist, helping her stay put, but having only half of an already-small chair to sit on didn't make it very easy to stay upright. Though, she did have a sneaking suspicion that her girlfriend was taking up a bit more than half of the chair - she seemed to be having no issue at all balancing daintily on the edge of the seat, while Pearl felt like she was about to fall off at any second.

"Are you sure you don't want me to pull up a second chair?"

 

Max looked between the two of them, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

 

"We're fine!"

 

Pearl stuck her knee out, pushing it against the glass of the window next to her in an attempt to keep herself upright and not spill her coffee everywhere. Violet's arm was looped around her waist, helping her stay put, but having only half of an already-small chair to sit on didn't make it very easy to stay upright. Though, she did have a sneaking suspicion that her girlfriend was taking up a bit more than half of the chair - she seemed to be having no issue at all balancing daintily on the edge of the seat, while Pearl felt like she was about to fall off at any second.

 

"So, one month?"

 

Violet nodded, leaning her head on Pearl's shoulder. Max smiled at the two of them, taking a sip of her coffee, and Pearl followed suit.

 

"Pearl, remember the conversation we had when I first convinced you to go see Violet?"

 

Her cheeks flushed pink, and Violet sa up, looking at her with raised eyebrows.

 

"You didn't want to go see me?"

 

She sniffed and mocked wiping a tear from her eye, obviously faking offense. Pearl took another sip of coffee, hiding a half-smile, half-grimace at Max's teasing.

 

"She was so nervous, it was adorable."

 

"I was not!"

 

Max looked at her with raised eyebrows and Violet snorted, looking between them.

 

"You so were!"

 

"Was _not_."

 

"That's so cute!"

 

She squeezed Pearl, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

 

"That's not _cute_ , you're crazy."

 

"Romantic."

 

Max was smiling at the two of them, and she leaned back in her seat, coffee in hand.

 

"You two are already acting like an old married couple, you know."

 

Pearl wrinkled her nose and Violet giggled, taking another long sip of her coffee. There was a moment of silence between the three of them, the background noise from the shop around them filling the gap.

 

"Were you actually that nervous?"

 

"...Maybe just a little."

 

The two of them looked at each other, Pearl blushing and Violet smiling, her arm still looped firmly around Pearl's waist. Quick as lightning, she leaned in and pecked Pearl's nose before pulling back and looking at Max, who was watching them both with a small, amused smile.

 

"In any event, I'm glad you went, Pearl."

 

"Yeah," she said, the corners of her mouth turning up in a smile, "me too."

 

"That reminds me!"

 

Max set down her coffee, leaning down and grabbing her purse, opening it. Violet leaned forward a bit, pulling Pearl with her, watching curiously as the silver-haired girl rifled through her disaster of a bag, finally pulling out a twisted-up plastic bag. She set her purse back down, opening the bag and pulling out two little grey boxes - one marked with a 'P', the other with a 'V'.

 

"Oh, bitch, you did _not_."

 

"I did! Open them!"

 

Pearl picked up her box, Violet doing the same, and both of them pulled off the tops. Violet was the first to unwrap the little piece of tissue paper, and her gasp prompted Pearl to stop looking at Max incredulously and pull hers off as well. Sitting on the box's cushion was a delicate silver half-heart, a tiny purple stone sitting in the center.

 

"This is so gorgeous!"

 

Violet pulled hers from the box as daintily as ever, holding it in the palm of her hand.

 

"Pearl, look!"

 

She was beaming, holding the charm out so she could see the tiny pearl embedded in the matching half to Pearl's charm.

 

"Pearl and amethyst," Max said, her smile almost rivaling Violet's, "I wasn't sure what exactly to do for Violet, but I figured that since violets are for February and so is amethyst, it would be alright."

 

"It's perfect, thank you so much! I love them."

 

Violet kissed Pearl's cheek, opening the clasp of the necklace and holding it out to Pearl. She took the chain, and Violet pulled her hair away to let her fasten it around her neck. As soon as it was clasped, Pearl picked up her necklace, doing the same, then turning back to Max with a teasing smile.

 

"I hope you know how fucking cheesy these are."

 

"Shut up, you ass, you love it just as much as I do!"

 

Violet bumped her shoulder into Pearl's, scolding her jokingly, and Max took a sip of her coffee.

 

"Do you both like them..?"

 

"Of course!"

 

Violet touched hers softly, her face radiant, and Max smiled, then looked at Pearl, who heaved a heavily overdramatic sigh.

 

"I _guess_ they're okay."

 

"You're such an ass!"

 

Pearl finally broke into a grin, reaching up to touch her necklace as well.

 

"I'm joking! I love it, jesus!"

 

"Here's to one month and many more?"

 

Max raised her coffee with her toast, and Violet and Pearl bumped their cups into hers.

 

"To the rest of our lives," she said, squeezing Pearl's waist gently, and she nodded, resting her head on Violet's shoulder.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violet hugged Pearl again, both of them falling silent for a moment, taking solace in the familiar feeling of being pressed together, safe from the world. The rhythm of Violet's chest rising and falling evenly against hers was comforting, and Pearl began to drift off, her eyes falling shut and the tension melting from her body.

Pearl turned her key in the lock, opening the door with one hand and tugging her hair out of its bun with the other. She trudged into her apartment, kicking off her shoes in the doorway, running her hand through her hair tiredly. The lights were off - for once she'd remembered to turn them off before she'd left - but it didn't matter; she knew the path to her bed by heart. Her studio was almost pitch-black, the only light in the room disappearing as Pearl shut her front door, locking it before crossing the room blindly, her hand stretched out for the other door's knob. Her fingers touched metal, and she grabbed it, opening the door. Her room was much better-lit in contrast to the studio, even though it was dim - the lamp next to her bed was on.

 

Her bed was suspiciously bare, its covers and one of her pillows missing. The thief, though, was evident: Violet, curled up on the couch with the blanket wrapped snugly around her and the pillow under her head. Her hair spilled across her face and down the pillow, splaying itself wildly. Pearl smiled to herself, setting her purse down on the bed and crossing the room, crouching down in front of her girlfriend. She swept her hair away from her face and leaned in to press a featherlight kiss to her forehead, waiting a moment to see if she'd stir. It was late, past one in the morning according to the clock on her dresser, and Violet was likely tired from working that night. She was makeup-less and looked comfortable, so Pearl decided against waking her, assuming she probably needed the sleep.

 

She stood up, pausing for a moment to look out her window at the city. The majority of its people were asleep by now, but the city still buzzed with life. Pearl had no doubts that all her favorite bars were full, music blasting and patrons going about their usual business. It had been over two months since she'd gone out alone, though. Violet's bar had become her most frequent place to visit, whether she was there for a show or not. Raven and the other bartenders knew her by name, and more often than not, she and Violet ended up backstage, hanging out with whoever was performing that night. Pearl crossed the room to the window by her bed, opening it as quietly as possible. She made quick work of taking her bowl from its place in her drawer and packing it with clumsy, tired fingers. There was a lighter on her bedside table, and before long, she was exhaling a lungful of smoke through the open window. The feeling of smoke in her lungs was comforting, welcome after the a long, stressful night.

 

The couch creaked softly behind her, and Pearl smiled to herself, taking another hit and closing her eyes. A moment later, arms slid around her waist, lips brushing her neck, and Violet pressed herself to Pearl. She leaned into the embrace gladly, blowing the smoke out her window.

 

"Welcome home," Violet whispered, her voice soft and sleepy.

 

"Sorry it's so late," Pearl whispered back, tilting her head back to rest against Violet's.

 

"I was gonna wait up for you, but the couch was really comfy."

 

"I wasn't expecting you to be up at all, it's okay."

 

Violet hummed softly, pressing a kiss to her cheek as Pearl took another hit, passing the bowl back to Violet along with her lighter. She closed her eyes, leaning away from the flick of the lighter as she exhaled slowly, soft words making their way out with the smoke.

 

"You can have the rest, I'm good for now."

 

Violet breathed out, smoke curling around Pearl's cheek on its way out the window, and she pressed soft lips to the blonde's cheek again.

 

"Thanks."

 

They stood in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Pearl leaning back against Violet while she smoked the rest of the bowl, glad to be able to finally relax. The city noise beyond her window made a sort of white noise, a homey sound. Violent handed back the bowl and her lighter, and Pearl set them down on the windowsill, turning to face her girlfriend. Pearl kissed her softly, her eyes falling shut and the fingers of one hand finding their way into Violet's sleep-mussed hair. The softness of her lips and the warmth of her body were welcome, especially after not seeing each other for two days. Violet pressed herself closer, one hand on Pearl's jaw and the other on her waist, steadily making its way lower as she kissed back eagerly. After a moment, Pearl pulled away, smiling.

 

"I missed you," she said, voice low.

 

"I missed you too," Violet replied softly, kissing Pearl again, her lips tasting of smoke and Pearl's lipstick.

 

Her hand pressed into the small of Pearl's back, pulling her closer, and Pearl's fingers found purchase in her hair, curling into the strands just tightly enough to elicit a tiny noise. In response, Violet's hand slid up to find the zipper of Pearl's dress, tugging it down with nimble fingers and trailing her nails back up the newly-visible skin, making her shiver. They pulled apart just enough to look at each other, matching smiles on their faces.

 

"Are we doing this?"

 

Violet looked at Pearl from under her lashes, lips curled into a devilish smirk. Seduction was an art that Violet had mastered, and it took more than a little resolve on Pearl's part to keep herself from kissing her again.

 

"It's late," came her reluctant response, "tomorrow?"

 

Smirk turning into a serene smile, Violet kissed Pearl's cheek.

 

"Of course. Want help with the dress?"

 

"That'd be nice."

 

She turned around, and Violet unzipped her dress the rest of the way, sliding it off her shoulders and down her arms, her fingertips warm against Pearl's skin. The draft from the window in front of them was chilly, and as soon as Pearl freed her arms from the dress, she stepped forward to shut it before retreating back to Violet. In a moment, her dress was off, and Violet tossed it towards her hamper, grinning excitedly when it made it in. Pearl snorted, crossing the room to her dresser, pulling a drawer open and finding an old oversized t-shirt and a pair of boxers, changing while Violet re-made the bed. Not even bothering to wash her face properly, she took a makeup wipe from the pack on her dresser and took her makeup off with it, the thought of falling asleep next to Violet again too enticing for her to take her time.

 

The bathroom lights were uncomfortably bright, and Pearl had to squint at herself in the mirror as she brushed her teeth, more than happy to turn off the offensive bulbs when she was done. Violet was sitting on her bed, on top of the covers, her phone in hand, wearing one of her favorite camisoles, a black silk-and-lace thing that draped itself daintily over her body. As Pearl climbed onto the bed, though, her eyes drifted to a purple-red bruise on Violet's collarbone, close to her neck.

 

"What's that?"

 

Curious and a little concerned, Pearl brushed the spot softly, and Violet lifted a hand to touch where Pearl's fingers had just been.

 

"I got hit at work," she said casually, lifting one shoulder in a half-shrug, as Pearl slipped under the blanket.

 

Brows furrowed, Pearl propped herself up on an elbow.

 

"Someone hit you?"

 

"Yeah. I'm okay though, don't worry."

 

"No, I'm gonna worry, who the fuck hit you? Did they get kicked out? Did you hit them back? Do _I_ need to hit them?"

 

"Hey, relax."

 

Violet set her phone down, slipping under the covers and pulling Pearl into a hug, tangling their legs together.

 

"It was just some drunk guy."

 

"That doesn't make me worry any less, Vi."

 

"Shh," she whispered, pressing her lips to Pearl's forehead, "I'm okay. And besides, he didn't even land a good hit."

 

Pearl pulled back to look at Violet, her expression a mix of worry and gratitude.

 

"Did you?"

 

"Laid the fucker out cold."

 

Pearl kissed her nose, grinning.

 

"That's my girl."

 

"Did you really think I'd let someone hit me and not deck them?"

 

Violet hugged Pearl again, both of them falling silent for a moment, taking solace in the familiar feeling of being pressed together, safe from the world. The rhythmof Violet's chest rising and falling evenly against hers was comforting, and Pearl began to drift off, her eyes falling shut and the tension melting from her body.

 

"How was the opening?"

 

Her girlfriend's gentle whisper tugged her back from the brink of sleep, and Pearl opened her eyes, blinking herself all the way awake, unwilling to move from Violet's arms.

 

"Long."

 

She laughed softly, ruffling Pearl's hair.

 

"I figured that much. Did you sell anything?"

 

"Uhh... all the ones I did of you in that white corset, and two others."

 

"The ones with the fans?"

 

She made a soft noise of confirmation, and Violet squeezed her excitedly.

 

"I'm so proud of you!"

 

"Everyone was pretty nice, too. I'm blaming the alcohol."

 

"Alcohol! Fuck, I completely forgot!"

 

Before Pearl could stop her, Violet was leaping out of bed, crossing the room on nimble feet to Pearl's mini-kitchen, pulling open her fridge.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

She pushed herself up to sit, looking after Violet, confused. Something popped, and Violet spun around, lifting a bottle of champagne into the air with a gleeful cheer. Pearl couldn't help but laugh, standing up and meeting her halfway back to her bed, wrapping her arms around Violet's waist and kissing her. The champagne fizzed softly in her hand, and Pearl could feel Violet's smile against her lips. When they finally pulled apart, Pearl was smiling, too.

 

"To a wonderful opening night, and my amazing girlfriend!"

 

Violet raised the bottle to her lips and drank.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The handful of seconds of silence made Pearl's heart thud its way into her throat as she stared a burning hole into the cushion of Violet's couch. Neither of them moved, the silence ballooning between them until it felt as broad and uncrossable as the Grand Canyon, until Pearl pulled her hands out of Violet's to wipe away a tear that had made its way down the dark-haired girl's cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s been a really long time since I updated this fic (sorry!! I’ve been super busy) so just a quick reminder that this is (one of the last) shorter chapters! this one clocks in at around 1.1k. enjoy!!

Rain pattered softly against the window, making a soft sort of white noise that faded comfortably into the background. Pearl and Violet were curled up together on the couch, sharing the blanket they'd pulled from Violet's bed. Quiet music was playing throughout her apartment, something soft and acoustic by someone Pearl didn't recognize. Violet's head was on her chest, her eyes closed and her breathing steady, and Pearl's arms were wrapped around her, cheek resting on her head. She'd been still for long enough for it to startle Pearl when she moved, turning to put her head in her lap. With a smile, she brushed a piece of hair back from Violet's face, brushing her fingers across her cheek delicately, as if she was unwilling to break contact. Violet looked up at her with something very akin to glowing admiration, reaching up to hold Pearl's hand to her cheek. They stayed there for a moment, still as an early-morning forest, before the sunrise had woken the birds and squirrels - nothing moving but the air in their lungs and their matching heartbeats.

 

"I know we've never talked about it, but..." Violet trailed off, eyes slipping momentarily from Pearl's then returning as if to gauge her reaction before continuing, "what's your family like? You've never mentioned them."

 

Immediately, Pearl stiffened, her heart leaping into her throat. Violet noticed, pushing herself up to wrap her arms around Pearl's neck.

 

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," she whispered, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

 

Slowly, Pearl shook her head.

 

"No, it's okay. I don't mind."

 

Violet pulled away, the warmth of her touch lingering for a moment before leaving nothing but the uncertain void between the two of them. Pearl took a deep breath, finding Violet's hands and lacing their fingers together, anchoring herself to her as if she was afraid that if she didn't, she'd fall backwards into the memories and not be able to find her way back out.

 

"I grew up in Florida, in this little town in the middle of nowhere."

 

Her throat closed up suddenly, as if every fiber of her being was urging her to leave her past in the neat little box she'd packaged it up in and forget about it. Despite the knots tying themselves in her stomach and the burrowing feeling that she should just stop talking, Pearl cleared her throat and forged on.

 

"I guess I had a pretty good childhood, I mean, my parents loved me and all that, we had a huge house, I did okay in school, and I pretty much got whatever I wanted. Typical rich-kid stuff, you know?"

 

Violet nodded, a little smile on her face.

 

"When I was thirteen, my older sister came out as gay. My parents kicked her out that night, and forbade her from ever talking to me again. I don't even know if she's still alive."

 

Her smile disappeared, and she squeezed Pearl's hand, her expression soft and pained.

 

"He started drinking, and--"

 

Pearl paused, forcing down the rising swell of anger that made her want to scream. Violet squeezed her hand gently

 

"He yelled a lot. It wasn't bad, I could sit in my room and he wouldn't bother me, but it was terrifying. He- he broke things, he would scream himself hoarse, and- and--"

 

She looked away, her voice hard.

 

"Two years ago, they saw me kissing the girl that lived next door, my best friend."

 

Her voice wavered, threatening to break, tears welling up in her eyes.

 

"She was more than that. She was my best friend, the only person in the world that knew who I really was. My girlfriend."

 

A soft sob tore itself from her chest, and Violet immediately pulled her into a hug, one hand going to run soothingly though her hair.

 

"Shh, it's okay, you don't have to keep talking about it. I know what it's like, I know."

 

Pearl let herself lean into Violet for a moment, until she could stop tears from rolling down her cheeks. She sat up slowly, taking hold of Violet's hands again.

 

"They told me I had two weeks to find a place to live. They took away anything that would've let me talk to her, and they told her parents. I found an apartment in New York and left two days later."

 

Her voice hardened into a steely whisper as anger rose in her throat, anger that she'd been holding back for two long years - anger at her parents, for not loving her, for telling her parents, for tearing her away from everything that had ever mattered to her, anger at herself for being stupid enough to let herself get caught. She looked away, unable to meet Violet's tear-filled eyes.

 

"I haven't seen or talked to her since. I never even got to say goodbye."

 

The handful of seconds of silence made Pearl's heart thud its way into her throat as she stared a burning hole into the cushion of Violet's couch. Neither of them moved, the silence ballooning between them until it felt as broad and uncrossable as the Grand Canyon, until Pearl pulled her hands out of Violet's to wipe away a tear that had made its way down the dark-haired girl's cheek.

 

"That's awful," Violet whispered, reaching up to hold Pearl's hand against her cheek, "I'm so sorry..."

 

"It's okay. It was a long time ago."

 

Another few seconds of silence passed, but this time they were warm and gentle, Violet's hand soft against Pearl's.

 

"I was kicked out too."

 

Violet's whisper broke the silence, raw and quiet. Pearl traced her thumb along her cheekbone slowly, looking at her with the same pained, sympathetic look Violet had worn only minutes earlier.

 

"I was living with my dad for a while after I left college. He found out what I was doing for work one night and gave me ten minutes to pack my bags and leave."

 

There was barely a hint of emotion in her voice other than anger, her near-whisper bitterly hard.

 

"Raven took me in and let me live there for two weeks until I could get back on my feet."

 

"I'm sorry, Vi..."

 

"Don't be, it was for the better anyways."

 

There was an undertone of hurt to her voice, but something about her tone and the way she was glaring at her knee made Pearl hesitant to ask why.

 

"It doesn't matter now, anyways. I have you and that's all that matters," Violet said, every trace of anger gone.

 

Pearl leaned forward to hug her, and Violet caught her by surprise with a soft kiss. When she pulled back after a moment, she took hold of both of Pearl's hands again, squeezing them gently.

 

"I love you, Vi."

 

"I love you too, Pearl."


End file.
